


Joshua Tree

by modestroad



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-16
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-15 04:02:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/845079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/modestroad/pseuds/modestroad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is no such thing as a magic cock. Regina knows that too well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

There is no such thing as a magic cock.

Regina knows that too well.

 

"You are what?" she asks Emma one more time, hoping, foolishly, that the answer will change, that her ears are playing tricks on her in her old age.

"I'm pregnant," Emma wipes away her tears, "with a baby."

"You are an idiot," is all Regina says to her before walking out of the room.

 

Thankfully, Emma doesn't make an attempt to find Regina, giving the other woman enough alone time to form a plan and get drunk on wine. It takes her more time, but the wine mellows her down enough not to want to throw the sheriff out of her home. Thing is, Regina is not sure she wants Emma here, but losing Emma means losing Henry and she just got her son back, she doesn't want to lose him again.

But what Emma did…

Their relationship is rocky, they both know that. She's not an easy person to live with; Emma is a lot like her father and gets on Regina's nerves without much effort. She's also a lot like her mother, meaning that she's stubborn enough to turn a simple argument into a fight more often than not.

If their relationship is rocky, the sex is nothing less than great. Probably because most times it was angry sex or make up sex, or simple when-you-don't-care-enough-for-the-other-you-don't -hold-back sex. They don't make love, they fuck. Just because you have chemistry with someone doesn't mean you have to like that person.

They are staying together for the sex…and the kid.

And the kid?

Well, Regina does have her moments, but she's not stupid to pretend that Henry is here for her. He might love her, but Emma is the hero of the story and he always roots for her. Even when Regina is right and he knows she's right, even then, he takes Emma's side.

She doesn't mind.

She's paying for the sins of her previous life, and when Henry comes to her with a math problem he can't solve or because he thinks she would love the company, moments like that she knows that the price could be higher.

But she never forgets that she lives her life with borrowed time and it seems her clock has finally started ticking.

 

"I wasn't enough for you?" she asks, one hand holding the wall for support, the other a half empty bottle of red wine, her vision blurry, she might be crying, she's not sure.

She never did well with rejection.

Emma is sitting on her side of the bed, hugging her legs, trying to be as small as she can, her face pale except the redness of her eyes. "Don't…"

She nods, understanding what Emma can't finish saying, not that it would matter; the wine has done its job and she wants - no - needs to talk. Slowly, she leaves her spot and covers the few steps that separate her from the bed without falling or swaying too much. She sits heavily, almost dropping flat on her back, the bottle hitting the side of the bed, and she shushes Emma with a move of her hand.

"He had mistresses," she watches as the other woman wipes her tears with the back of her palm. "Leopold, he had mistresses. Like, more than one. They used to pass me in the different rooms of the castle and look at me with pity because I couldn't pleasure the King."

She stops, her mouth suddenly dry from memories she would give everything to forget, but remembering is her curse, and takes a few sips from the bottle. The wine doesn't burn her throat like her cider or her favorite whiskey. It goes down smoothly, without effort, not as strong as the one she used to drink waiting to perform her wifely duties, but strong enough to give her a hell of a hangover tomorrow.

"They were right, you know," she laughs and this time she drops to her back and the room doesn't spin as much this way. Talking about her marriage to Leopold is something she prefers not to do and the few times Emma pushed her to talk they end up spending the night on different beds. But now, with the wine clouding her judgment and her defenses down, she admits truths she tried to hide even from herself.

"I tried. I even asked one of them, but how I was supposed to pleasure a man I never wanted in my bed?"

Emma doesn't say a word, the sound of her soft sobs the only sound in the room and Regina is glad that the blonde doesn't feel the need to fill the silence. Once upon a time, when she was young and still had hope in her heart, she hated the silence and did everything to fill it, but now, older and with no fragile dreams for anyone to shatter, she welcomes it.

"My mother tried her best to turn me into the perfect little lady when she really should have tried to make me the perfect little whore because, King or not, every man wants a whore in his bed and a lady to show off to his friends, and I was neither."

She hears a gasp coming from the other side of the bed and she chuckles; maybe her confession is a little too Game of Thrones for the blonde. Or maybe Emma's just pissed that she dares to speak evil of Snow's father, a man that everyone but his wife loved. Regina takes comfort in the thought that everyone wasn't in their bed chambers with them when he forced himself into her.

Despite Leopold's many faults, sharing his wife wasn't one of them.

"Regina, no, it wasn't, I didn't want it…" Emma sniffs and Regina doesn't have to look to know that the younger woman used her sleeve as a handkerchief. Disgusting habit.

She takes comfort in the fact that Emma sounds as terrible as Regina feels.

Regina takes one last sip of the bottle. She knows her limits. If she drinks more, she's going to spend the night puking her guts, berating herself for drinking too much, pissed at the blonde for letting her drink so much, but if she stops now she's going to sleep in minutes and that will give her a few hours of peace before the battle that is going to be tomorrow comes.

"Here," she offers the bottle to the sheriff, misjudging her and Emma's position on the bed, forcing the blond to stop with the self-pity and almost dive to catch the bottle before it hits the covers and colors them red with wine. "Don't drink it," she states matter-of-factly. "You can't drink in your condition."

 

"Mom?"

Henry's voice comes from a distance, like a dream. She doesn't try to open her eyes, burying her face into the pillow and covering her head with the blanket.

"Mom, wake up. Mom!" Henry whines the last word and she groans because she's not ready to wake yet. "I'm going to be late, mom. Wake up!"

She opens her eyes then, still blurry from sleep and the wine, her mouth and lips dry, a wet spot on the pillow and she rubs her cheek to get rid of any hints of dry drool. "What?"

"Pfft," Henry closes his nose with one hand, cleaning the air with the other, a grimace on his face. "You smell of alcohol."

"Come on, kid, let's go to Granny's me and you, eh?" Emma's voice sounds like heaven to Regina and, when she feels the weight of the bed shift, she covers her head with the blankets one more time; let Emma deal with Henry for one morning.

 

It's the afternoon when a gentle hand to her shoulder wakes her again.

"Are you feeling okay?"

Emma's lips are a thin line, her green eyes dark with worry and questions that need answers she won't get because she won't ask. She sits at the edge of the bed, an arm covering her front, and if she didn't have a killer headache, Regina would roll her eyes at Emma's protective pose; the sheriff doesn't even show yet!

"What time is it?" she asks, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"Um, a quarter after one. Henry will be home soon. Some kid thought it was the perfect time to test the fire alarm of the school, so David is going to drop him in a few." Emma runs a hand through her hair. "Are you feeling better?"

"You are pregnant."

"Yeah," Emma looks down when she hands her two pills and a glass of water. "I am."

"Who's the father?" Regina asks at the same time Henry yells that he's home from downstairs and while she's glad they are not going to have this conversation since she's not ready for the rejection, she can't help but feel a sharp pain in her chest at seeing the relief in Emma's eyes.

 

For some reason, perhaps because she got drunk on a school night and usually when she drinks she makes sure that he's nowhere around, Henry wants to spend time with her, and since she is in no condition to cook, Emma drives them all to Granny's in an awkward silence. The trip to Granny's is short, but every few minutes Henry attempts to start a conversation with her and any other day she would be happy to be included in his life, but today isn't any other day.

"That's great, Henry," she says because he said something to her and waits for an answer, missing the exchange of looks in the front-view mirror between him and Emma.

"Are you okay?" he asks and this time she groans with frustration.

 

David finds them in the diner while they are still waiting for Ruby to take their order, with plans for a fishing trip with Leroy and Henry, smiling widely like he has no care in the word. Henry is excited, of course, and while Regina is a good enough actress to pull off excitement, Emma is at the corner of the booth, playing nervously with a napkin, and taking no part in the conversation, which is enough to get a worried look from David.

"Are you okay?" He asks, his eyes never leaving Regina and she rolls her eyes because of course the shepherd will blame her for his daughter's state.

"Just tired, I guess."

And while Regina is getting a little worried (the sheriff is paler than usual and she looks as if she hasn't slept for days) she's not ready for a talk with the "in-law". David gives Henry a fake smile before he asks to talk to her and Regina is two seconds away from turning him into something without vocals cords or eyes that are blaming her for everything.

"David, please." Emma tries to protest and Henry opens his mouth to say something when Regina cuts them both.

"Order me a burger with a small salad on the side, would you?"

When she steps outside she can see that David is furious with her. Hands on his hips, his gun showing and the way he turns his lips into a thin line reminds her of Emma so much that she wants to punch him.

"You did something to her?"

Yes, Regina wants to scream at him, I let my guard down and that idiot daughter of yours broke my heart.

But she's not going to admit that to him. She's not sure she's going to admit that to Emma either. Because Emma is pregnant with someone's child and that means that whatever Regina thought they had was nothing but a lie. So she lies because lies come easy.

Because lies hurt less than the truth.

"We had a fight."

"That's all?"

She nods. "That's all."

David goes back inside without another word, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

 

Henry is her son after all, because later that day, he gets Emma to spill the beans.

They are watching some movie Regina has seen before and while she stares at the screen her mind is elsewhere. She hears Henry laugh at something that happens in the movie, hears Emma's voice, stronger, almost normal, and Henry is laughing again. It brings a smile to her lips, the sound of her son laughing and for a few moments Henry is four again with a gap where his front teeth should be, hugging her legs with all his power, laughing with all his heart and she doesn't realize that Emma told him about the baby until he jumps up from where he sits with excitement.

"I'm going to be a brother?" He smiles wide, thinking of his baby brother or baby sister before another thought darkens his face. "But you are with mom."

"Henry," Regina stands up and tries to calm him, but he's not her little boy anymore and he doesn't let her.

"Did-did you cheat on my mom?" He is angry now and Regina is glad that they are at home and not at Granny's with curious bystanders. "Did you cheat on her? Answer me!"

At thirteen, Henry looks more like his father than his grandfather with the way he stands, his hands tight fists on both sides of his body, and he steps in front of her, protecting her with his body, and if it wasn't for the terrified look in Emma's face, Regina would be in tears because that's the last she expected after everything she did in her life.

She strokes the back of his neck the way she did when he was a baby and teething, when he was a toddler and had a nightmare, when he was seven and sad because he didn't have a dad, feeling his body instantly relax beneath her touch.

"Mom?"

Just one word, but she understands the meaning behind it; Henry is thirteen and has seen more than kids his age should and he's asking her to tell him that his life is not about to change again. That his trust is not about to shatter into a million pieces once more.

And because Regina knows too well about trust and broken pieces, she lies to him.

"I have magic, Henry, and so does Emma." She turns him so she can stare him straight in the eyes, a trick she mastered while she was a young Queen and mourning for Daniel. "I'm not sure how, I won't lie to you about that, but Emma is pregnant with my child."

"But you are a woman!"

"I am aware of that, dear." She smiles at him, waiting for him to do the same and when he doesn't, she lies some more. "I think it's because Emma is the product of True Love. My magic and her magic…I'm not sure, but I think it's the combination of both of them."

"Have you heard of something like that before?"

"Honestly? No." She looks at Emma, afraid that the other woman will say something and ruin the whole thing, but Emma's face is drained from color and has a distant look in her eyes. "That's why you have to keep it a secret at least until I learn more. Now, can you please bring your mother a glass of water because I'm afraid she's going to pass out."

She doesn't.

 

Regina helps her to the bed while Henry is making chai for her, something he saw online and is his way of saying sorry.

"Why did you do it?" Emma whispers to her when Henry is out of reach.

"For him, not for you."

"You shouldn't have."

"But I did."

Emma opens her mouth to ask something, but Regina stops her.

"Tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow.”


	2. 2

  
_You would have been enough._

  
  
But she isn’t, is she?

  
  
Regina, on her back, a hand behind her head as if the world hadn’t crushed around her, stares at the ceiling and while Emma, exhausted from the day’s events, is sleeping somewhat peaceful next to her, she’s watching the seconds turn into minutes and then into hours, but every time she tries to close her eyes her mother’s words come back to haunt her, keeping her from finding the solitude to sleep.

  
  
Emma turns on her side and a heavy breath escapes her lips. Regina looks at her, waiting for a sign that the blonde is waking, but after a few moments her breathing goes back to normal and Regina is left to stare at the ceiling once again. She’s not a fool to think that Emma’s dreams are pleasant, but she’s the one awake and irritated and she would feel a lot better if the blonde was awake with her.

  
  
She, too, turns on her side and instead of the ceiling; she stares outside the window at the black winter sky. They’ve had a heavy winter so far, days and days of rain and snow.  She shivers at the thought of the last snowfall and despite herself she moves closer to Emma. It seems that Emma is almost always cold and Regina, despite what she shows to the world, likes to cuddle. 

  
But cuddling tonight means she has forgiven Emma and she hasn’t. She’s not sure she will. Never is a very long time, she finally starts to realize that, but she’s not going to forgive the blonde anytime soon; that much she knows. Part of her even hates Emma for making her feel like she’s eighteen again with a mother that didn’t love her, a father that never protected her and a husband she didn’t want.  
  
  
It always comes back to that.

  
  
Her mother, her mistakes, the way she can’t let go of things like normal people can. People accuse her of not feeling a thing when the reality is that she’s feeling too much. “People love in different ways,” Archie told her one morning when she was upset about something Henry did. “You feel too deep. It is part of why you can’t let go. Everything you feel, you feel it too much.”

  
  
She’s surprised that the bug doesn’t need therapy after their sessions together. They had a rough start, with him betraying her trust and her mother using him to achieve her plans, but now they have a nice doctor-patient relationship going. Sometimes she even thinks of him as a friend. Therefore she won’t tell him about Emma’s situation until she’s sure what they are going to do.

  
  
Lying to Henry is one thing, lying to the whole town might take more time and effort.

  
  
Her eyes search for the clock again and when she sees the time she lets out a sigh; she’s not going to get any sleep tonight and since David will come at six to take Henry on the fishing trip, she doesn’t see why not get up now and fix a nice breakfast for her son. And maybe a snack for the road.

  
  
Like she does every time she gets out of the bed, she makes sure not to shift her weight much and wake the blonde. She realizes what she’s doing a minute too late and spends the next few minutes staring at the sleeping form with dark eyes. Then her gaze falls to Emma’s belly and she feels the walls closing in.

  
She needs to do something.  
  


 

  
  
Cooking is a lot like making magic.

  
  
Curses and spells, and magic filters that can make someone grow hair or fall in love with their worst enemy. Wearing a hideous lime green t-shirt (sometimes Henry forgets that she doesn’t share his taste in comic books) and black sweatpants that she borrowed from Emma’s wardrobe, Regina finds her way to the kitchen.

  
  
Closing the door behind her she opens the light and goes straight to the fridge, but not without noticing the empty dish in the sink. Henry, probably, had a snack before bed and like most boys his age found it easier to simple leave the plate there until tomorrow than wash it out.

  
  
Just like his other mom.

  
  
But unlike with his other mom, Regina can’t seem to get mad at him. Her little boy is a little man now, with all the bad and good puberty brings. His voice still cracks sometimes and she pretends that she doesn’t see the redness of his cheeks or the way his showers get longer and longer. Soon he’ll start to shave and sneak girlfriends into his room.

  
  
(She’s not ready to be replaced again.)

  
  
Fridges, she long discovered, hold secret powers of hypnotism. Small and old or big and brand new, people open the door and step into another world, one that takes them away from their problems, there is no other explanation for the amount of time people spend looking inside a fridge. She’s not different either despite being, literally, from another world.

  
  
When Henry was a toddler and she was reading The Chronicles of Narnia at him, to make him stop opening the fridge and leaving the door open when something else caught his attention, she had convinced him that their fridge was a pass way to another land. It didn’t stop him from leaving the fridge open and didn’t stop him from dreaming of other worlds when he found out that sometimes a fridge is just a fridge.

  
  
  
And now that he knows the truth about other worlds and mythical creatures, now he prefers to go to baseball games, watch too many zombie movies for him to be able to sleep peaceful at night, and hides when he sees the girl he likes. The son of the Evil Queen and the Savior grew up to be an all American boy.

  
  
Door still open, she frowns. Her son is finally happy and telling him the truth about the baby will only set him back. Perhaps even hate both of them for lying to him again. And as much as she wants to wake him up and tell him the truth, that yes, Emma cheated on her; she knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of his anger and doesn’t wish it to anyone.

  
  
Especially Emma.

  
  
The blonde just recently found her footsteps as a parent, finally figuring out that a parent is not someone that lets their teen son skip school to play swords with his grandpa or allow him to eat burgers and fries for breakfast. Sometimes a mother needs to be mean, but it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love her child. Once Emma realized that, she started to say ‘no’ more often to Henry’s demands allowing Regina to take a breath.

  
  
She closes the door with a thump and opens it right away; she still needs to figure out what to cook and what ingredients she will need. After another few minutes of staring, she decides to make chicken enchiladas; easy to make, Henry loves them and he can eat them on the road.

  
  
She looks at the time, too late to be up and too early to start cooking and when a yawn escapes her lips, she’s already putting water in the coffee machine. The smell of coffee will probably wake Emma, the only thing in the world that can, and she’s surprised when she’s sitting at the kitchen table, tomatoes, coriander leaves, yellow and serrano chili spread in front of her on the table, drinking her second cup and Emma is nowhere in sight.

  
  
 _Oh right_. The baby.

  
  
If she could pretend with Emma the same way she did with Snow, but she can’t. Emma didn’t tell her how far along she is, but sooner or later she’ll start to show and even Regina can’t pretend that Emma is not with child. And if she could, she’s not sure if Henry can keep this a secret for long.

  
  
And they are back to lying.

  
  
Emma to her, Regina to Henry and Henry to the whole town.

  
  
She takes another sip of her coffee, enjoying the bittersweet taste of the beverage. Thank the gods that blessed her with an extraordinary good memory because in the next days she’s going to need it. She drains her coffee, gets up and stretches her back and neck, satisfied when she hears a ‘crack’, and leaves her cup in the sink; no reason to wash it now after all.

  
  
Time to cook.  
  


 

  
  
  
“What the hell are you doing?”

  
  
Emma’s voice surprises her, causing her to jump and hit the top of her head on the open kitchen cabinet. For a minute her vision blurs from the pain and she curses under her breath, hands caressing the sore spot; she doesn’t feel anything warm so she’s not bleeding.

  
  
“Shit,” she hears Emma move next to her rather than see her. “Let me just…”

  
  
Emma is standing too close to her, so close that when Regina opens her eyes she looks right into Emma’s cleavage and despite herself she tries to figure out if her boobs are bigger. It is too early, she knows that, and Emma didn’t seem to be more sensitive to the touch when they had sex four nights ago. But one part of her still believes that this is going to turn out to be one big prank.

  
  
That perhaps Emma is wrong.

  
  
“Here,” Emma turns off the tap, Regina didn’t hear water running but she must have turned it on because she feels something wet and cold on the top of her head, a cloth or a towel, and the pain is still there, but bearable. “You’re not bleeding, are you?”

  
  
  
She shakes her head causing the black spots to blur her vision again and Emma must have seen her dazed look because she’s helping her sit in a chair before moving a second chair next to hers.

  
  
“You want me to call Whale?”

  
  
Regina almost smiles. She has a hard time imaging Dr. Frankenstein running to her house in the middle of the night to treat something that is as life threatening as a paper cut.

  
  
“I’ll live.” She says dryly.

  
  
Emma doesn’t say anything. She pushes her chair behind; Regina is happy to notice that she didn’t scratch the floor, and watch as Emma opens the cabinet, takes one clean glass and fills it with water from the tap. Regina is refusing to pay and will not pay money for something that she can have for free. It’s not as if they had bottled water back at the Enchanted Forest.

  
  
The best they had was watery wine and lukewarm beer. People like to complain about the curse, but Regina still remembers the stink of the town around the palace. More people died from diseases than from her hand. It doesn’t justify her actions, but sometimes she wishes people could remember the truth about their land and not pretend that everyday life there was out of the books.

  
  
Emma offers the glass to her with a, “You’re making Enchiladas? Jesus, Regina, its four in the morning!”

  
  
“I couldn’t sleep.”

  
  
“And making Enchiladas in the middle of the night is going to help you sleep?”

  
  
“No.” She answers firmly, holding the glass. “I decided to cook because I’m angry at you.”

  
  
Again Emma says nothing. But unlike two nights before, she doesn’t turn her gaze away. She looks at her as if she’s waiting on an explanation and Regina is so tired of explaining everything to everyone that she feels her anger rise so fast and so sudden inside of her that she feels like she’ll drown if she doesn’t do something.

  
  
“Don’t do that,” Emma says and reaches for her hand, and Regina knows exactly what Emma is asking her not to do and hates her a little more because Emma is right; nothing good ever happened when she let her anger and desperation take the best of her.

  
“Don’t tell me what to do!” She stands up, throwing the wet towel into the sink, missing her cup by an inch or two. “Don’t tell me what to do.” She repeats again, with less malice to her voice than before, but the need to do something is stronger than ever.  

  
  
Emma is looking at her, still on her seat, but Regina knows her too well by now, knows how her body feels next to hers, when she’s tense and ready for a fight or relaxed and ready for a good time and Emma? If Henry wasn’t sleeping in his room, it would be a fight bards would make songs about.

  
  
“You think I wanted this?” She asks, her body shaking with nerves or anger, Regina doesn’t know and doesn’t care, trying to keep her voice from waking Henry.

  
  
“You think I did?”

  
  
It unnerves Emma, how weak her voice sounds and she drops her head between her hands with an even weaker, “No.”

  
  
And Regina, because she can’t hurt or throw Emma without losing Henry, she sits again, feeling as defeated as the woman next to her, and as desperate as the woman she once was, takes a knife from the table and starts to chop onion she won’t use in the food, but as an excuse for her tears.

  
  
One onion.

  
  
Two onions.

  
Three.

  
“What are you doing?” Emma sniffs besides her.

  
  
“I’m angry at you.” She replies. “When I’m angry I cook. Instead of doing magic.”

  
  
“Does it help?”

  
  
Regina stops what’s she doing and laughs, and when she sobers she finds Emma’s eyes. “We went to see The Avengers with Henry. Despite everything, he was still a child that wanted to see his favorite superhero so we went to see The Avengers.”

  
  
“O-Okay.”

  
  
“Near the end of the movie, there was a scene with the Avengers sans Iron Man, and Dr. Banner where he tells them his secret. Leaving the cinema Henry asked me how could someone always be angry and I looked at him because how could someone not be?”

  
  
She watches as Emma closes her eyes and licks her lips, realization hitting her. “Regina, I…”

  
  
“I wasn’t.” Regina continues not giving her a chance to talk. “With you. I wasn’t. And for a moment I let myself believe that maybe this is it, my happy ending. Or this world’s version of it. A world where I wake up in the morning and wasn’t feeling angry and it was such a relief. And then…you’re with a baby and how could I even think of having a happy ending?”

  
  
There are tears in Emma’s eyes and Regina knows this time it’s not because of the onions.

  
  
“I still want a family. I want Henry and, for some reason, I still want you.” She shakes her head and looks outside the window; the sky is pitch black and there’s not a ray of light in the horizon. “But I can’t stand you right now.”

  
  
She wipes her cheeks with the back of her palm, stands up and lays a kiss on the top of Emma’s head.

  
  
“Turn the stove off in five minutes.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the start of the summer I had three betas. Now I'm down to one. Special thanks to Rosalinde for offering her help in a time of need.


	3. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma’s palm is heavy on her cheek and the shock so great that she drops the towel and stands to stare at Emma, cheek burning from the slap, naked as the day she was born. Then something snaps inside of her and it must be showing in her eyes because Emma holds both her hands up and takes a step back.

A thunderstorm makes avoiding Emma an easy job for Regina.

There is a warning about a thunderstorm that no one in Northern Maine gives much attention; Maine gets twenty or less thunderstorms per year and their primal fear is keeping the roads clean from the snow not taking cover when it starts to rain. But, as Regina finds out, sometimes Mother Nature has plans of her own.

The storm hits the northern parts of the state with force, making people search for shelter and causing enough damage to have the mayors of ten cities on the phone for weeks. Storybrooke’s marina pays the price and part of the roof of the sardine factory is found some hundred feet away. The shops near the marina are the ones with the most damage and even Granny has to clean her diner from the waters.

Regina’s days mix with her nights and for ten days straight she practically sleeps with her phone on her hand and doesn’t come home until both Henry and Emma are fast asleep. She takes quick showers that do little to take the edge from her shoulders and she’s asleep before her head hits the pillow. 

The phone wakes her before dawn and she feels every second of her years.

 

Apparently Henry is nothing like his grandmother because he keeps his mouth shut and shrugs his shoulders when his grandparents ask him why Emma is feeling tired all the time. 

“I’m not home much,” Regina says and Henry gives her a sly little grin behind his grandparents back. “Being a single parent is not an easy job. Perhaps, if David doesn’t mind, she could take the week off?” She offers with a smile (and when in hell did she reach a point where she doesn’t have to fake it?) before a look at her watch has her running back to her office for another long afternoon.

 

What with avoiding Emma and trying to find a way to balance the budget without asking for additional financial help, it means that she has little time to think about the baby so it comes as a surprise when getting out of the shower one day, she sees Emma looking at herself at the mirror. She’s on her side, covering her breasts with her arm, hair down, a mess of blond curls and she carries a small smile that with the only light in the room coming from the window it makes her look almost like an early Botticelli painting.

It would be more than enough to make her drop her towel that holds around her down, take Emma to the bed and make love to her until the sun is well up at the sky.  
The small baby bump stops her from doing so and she just stands on the bathroom’s door staring at the other woman.

“I’m showing,” Emma says searching for Regina’s eyes.

“Have you seen a doctor?” Regina asks casually, as if she’s not been doing everything possible to be out of Emma’s way for the last couple weeks. She’s not giving Emma the silent treatment per se, but they are not exactly talking. Not about the things they need to talk about. They do small talk about Henry or what food should Regina cook – if she leaves her office on time.

Emma nods. “Yeah. To Ellsworth, last week. I didn’t want to see someone here,” she bites her lip. “I mean, not until I’m- _we_ , are ready.”

It’s Regina’s turn to nod. Of course Emma would want time to tell her mother and father that she’s with child especially since she’s dating the Evil Queen. Regina looks at her, then at the baby bump and she feels like she’s frozen in time; she needs to get dressed and go to the grocery store. 

Instead, she finds herself admitting things to Emma that she never wanted to admit. “I wanted a big family.”

Emma finds her eyes in the mirror and waits for her to continue. They have done that enough the last weeks to know when to keep her mouth shut and when to talk. Regina is grateful for that.

“I was an only child and, as you can imagine, my family didn’t get along with other people,” she gives Emma a small, sad smile, thinking how different her life would have been if her mother wasn’t so obsessed with power. “I didn’t have many friends growing up and I always thought that when I had a family of my own I would have lots of kids so they would always have someone to play with.”

“Did he-“There is emotion in Emma’s words and it surprises her how Emma can feel so much about someone that never met. “Did he want a big family?”

Regina laughs- not from her heart, short lived, and her laugh has sadness in it, the same sadness that her eyes have when she’s talking about him. “He wanted my kids.” Something chokes her and swallows hard, the motion hurting her throat more. “Daniel had lost a brother and a sister to winter and the flu. His family was poor and they barely broke even. Working for us was the best thing that could have happened to them. They offered us their services and my family offered them a roof over their heads and a warm plate of food.”

She doesn’t need to continue, they both know what happened to Daniel. Emma doesn’t know that when Daniel died and she was forced to marry the King, she took his family with her at the palace. Every day until the day both his parents died she had to watch them mourn for a boy they didn’t know had died. She had told him the same story as she had told Snow, that Daniel ran away, leaving her and his family behind and she had to watch them every day as the lines got deeper around their eyes.

They had already lost two children, let them believe that their son was happy somewhere else or so she thought. Having Henry in her life showed her how wrong her thinking was; if something happened to him she would want to know. She would want to make whoever was responsible pay.

“Regina?” She snaps from her daydreaming when she feels Emma’s hands on her shoulder. She’s dressed now, Emma, with a shirt that barely covers her belly and they really need to go shopping because this is really happening. “Did you hear a single word I said?”

“I was thinking of something,” she justifies herself.

“Do you really have to do this?” 

“Do what?”

“Do you really have to make me feel like crap, Regina?” Emma is not angry, but not calm either; the calm before the storm. “’Cause you can stop, okay? I feel like shit without you and your stories. I screwed up, okay? I screwed up!”

“You definitely _screwed_ someon-“

Emma’s palm is heavy on her cheek and the shock so great that she drops the towel and stands to stare at Emma, cheek burning from the slap, naked as the day she was born. Then something snaps inside of her and it must be showing in her eyes because Emma holds both her hands up and takes a step back. 

“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry.”

Her lips barely moving and she’s not blinking when she says, “You are going to be.” 

Emma stares at her with wide eyes and Regina flexes her fingers because if they are going to do that she’s not going to hold back not even for Henry when a sob escapes Emma. The blonde starts to cry, turns her back on Regina and sits down on the bed, almost missing it, and Regina is so confused she doesn’t know what to do; comfort Emma or get dressed and get the hell out of there.

“Emma?” 

“Shut up. Shut up! Shut up!” Emma slides from the bed to floor, her body shaking with sobs and Regina goes from pissed off and ready to throw a fireball to worry in record time. “Just shut up.”

Regina licks her lips, trying to figure out what to do when she realizes that she’s still naked. Without talking, she gets clean clothes, bra, panties, black skinny jeans and her favorite shirt, black of course, a gift from Henry. Emma is still on the floor by the time she’s dressed, but her sobs have calm out and Regina kneels next to her.

“Are you okay?”

“No.” She sniffs and lets out something like a laugh. “No, I am not okay. I’m definitely not okay.”

Regina nods and with a wave of her hand a glass full with cold water appears next to Emma. The blonde takes it with a small smile and drinks it heartily. 

“Are you feeling better?” 

Emma shakes her head and offers a confusing, “Not really. A little. I don’t know.”

“Okay,” Regina sits down opposite to her. “Do you want me to call someone?”

Emma laughs again, the same bitter sound, and looks at her with puffy red eyes. “I thought you are _my_ someone.”

She doesn’t want to upset the blonde more, but she doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut either. “The evidences say otherwise.”

Clearly the wrong thing to say because when Emma looks at her, her green eyes are filled with tears. “I fucked up. I know, okay? I know. I made a mistake. If someone should understand me it should be you.”

“Because I’m the Evil Queen and I always will be?” She’s not using Emma’s exact words, but she remembers too well those words, in her front yard years ago, like it’s yesterday. Emma was right that morning; people will always remember the things they did, good, bad, they are stuck in their memories forever and they don’t have the benefit of a curse this time.

“Yes.” A heartbeat later, “No.”

“Yes or no, dear? Make up your mind.” She moves closer, her anger gone.

“No.” 

Well, small victory.

“Would you have told me? If you weren’t pregnant, would you have told me?” 

Emma shakes her head. “He was no one. Just a guy at the bar. Passing through.”

If she says that to make her feel better then Emma doesn’t really know her at all.

“I need to go to the grocery shop.”

 

She ends up at the playground, the one that Henry never liked and rarely came here to play. Now the place is full with kids that are running around, chasing each other and driving their parents crazy with their cheers. She has to wait to find a bench to sit and then she has to wait until the last kid is gone to open the grocery bag she’s holding.

Wine, blue cheese, fresh baked bread and a bag of walnuts; a pity party for one but at least she’s doing it with class. Well, with the exception of one plastic cup for the wine. 

The sky is dark blue and it smells like rain although the broadcast last night said nothing about rain. Living in Maine for so long had taught her a couple things about the weather and she looks at the ocean for any sight of a storm. The waters are still calm, but have a dark silver look and she has a few hours before it starts to rain.  
She’s in the middle of a perfect bite (bread, a piece of blue cheese and a walnut on top) and has done some damage to the wine, when she spots Henry riding his bicycle. He asked for a dirt bike and while Neal said yes, both Emma and she vote against it. He was mad at them for a few weeks, even went as far as to stay at Neal’s and they had to sit him down and explain to him their reasons for not buying him one.

He’s at that age that girls and cars have most of his attention and he thinks that riding around with his bike makes him look bad. 

“Hey mom,” he greets her and lets the bike fall on the ground before taking a seat so close to her their legs touch. “You went to the store?”

“I did,” she nods.

“Wine, bread and cheese. Wow, I’m so glad that I had a burger at Granny’s.” He attacks her bag of walnuts though, throwing three of them in his mouth. “Emma said you two had a fight.” And then, before she has time to answer or he to swallow, “Why did we never come to this playground? The view is awesome from here.”

“Who told you we didn’t?”

“We did?” Another handful or walnuts, a little bit of cheese and he’s eyeing the bread on her lap.

“Here,” she breaks the bread giving him the largest of the pieces. “I used to bring you here all the time when you were little.”

“Yeah? I don’t remember the place.”

“When you were six you decided that you liked the castle better,” she takes a sip from her wine. “We never came here again.”

They watch the sea for a while; her drinking her wine, him chewing loudly before he has enough.

“Were you fighting about the baby?”

“Henry-“

“Why were you fighting about the baby? Emma was crying and you were nowhere to be found, and…I don’t like it when you fight. Emma’s burying herself at work and you brood for days.”

“I don’t brood.” He raises an eyebrow. “I don’t brood.”

“You do, mom, and it used to scare me.”

If Henry had slap her she wouldn’t be so surprised. “It did?”

“Well, yeah,” he looks at her as if he doesn’t understand how she doesn’t know that. “I used to think you were plotting something.” Then it hits him. “Mom? The reason you and Emma are fighting, it doesn’t have to do with you, you know, being the Evil Queen, does it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live at the other side of the Atlantic. If Wiki lies about weather at Maine I'm lying too. A big thanks to my betas. They are awesome and super fast and they make me feel like a jerk posting one chapter every month.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined that a day would come that she and Henry would talk about her past and laugh about it. Henry has grown not only physically but emotionally as well. He understands now a little bit better why she did all the things she did and while he doesn’t make excuses for her, he’s comfortable knowing it’s all behind them now. One day she will pay for everything she has done, but until then she’s going to enjoy moments like this with him.

“Is it? Is it? Is it?” He nags her knee with his, lips curled into a grin, hair falling into his eyes, and he looks so adorable she can’t help but grin back at him.

Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined that a day would come that she and Henry would talk about her past and laugh about it. Henry has grown not only physically but emotionally as well. He understands now a little bit better why she did all the things she did and while he doesn’t make excuses for her, he’s comfortable knowing it’s all behind them now. One day she will pay for everything she has done, but until then she’s going to enjoy moments like this with him.

“What do you think?” She asks him and watched him as his grin fades into a scowl, but his knee rests next to hers; a few years ago she would be searching for him around town.

“I think you shouldn’t lie to the baby.” He finally says.

“Great,” She throws a piece of bread unto the grass and watches as three birds land instantly to eat it. “So he can hate me right away instead of wasting ten years.”

Suddenly everything around them seem to stop; the wind, the clouds, the waves, everything stops. Her heart too, though only she can hear it beat inside her chest too loud, then too fast. So fast she’s afraid she’s going to have a heart attack and wouldn’t that be ironic? She never thought she could die from one, not before and even now it’s not an option to consider. An arrow to the heart is the best she can hope for, partner of the Savior or not.

But now, sitting on the bench, holding her breath and panicking, looking as a million emotions pass through her son’s face, right now it is an option. “Henry, I-I didn’t mean it.”

“Yeah, you did,” But he doesn’t sound angry and he’s not bolting away either, and she must look at him with a haunted look because he turns his body to face her and puts his hand on her knee to calm her. “Mom, it’s okay. I was angry at you for keeping something as big as that from me, for making me think I was crazy, but I’m not anymore. I know you love me and I also know that people love differently and I can’t hold it against you, you know? You love me, I love you, and if there’s one thing I can thank Neverland enough for, its making me see things differently.”

“I do love you, so much,” And she knows better than to kiss him in public, therefore she covers his hand with hers, squeezing his fingers lightly. “But I couldn’t tell you about the curse even if I wanted it.”

“And did you? Did you want to tell me?”

“No.” She shakes her head and Henry laughs. “Not for the reason you think.”

“Okay,” He doesn’t sound convinced, but he’s still here, his hand still in hers and she knows she can tell him now all the things she couldn’t tell him before.

“Do you know how hard it is to adopt a child when you are a single mother and people forget all about you when they cross the town’s limits?”

He makes a grimace because no, of course he hadn’t thought of that and why would he? He’s the child and she’s the adult, and he probably thinks that his adoption was part of a master plan and he couldn’t be more wrong. Gold, he made the deal, but he couldn’t possible know that the Savior had a son.

“They wouldn’t believe you. Not without Emma. And they would have taken you from me. A child with an active imagination is one thing, but can you imagine if the mayor of the town went left and right telling them that the curse is real? I would be in a straightjacket and you on your way for the nearest foster home.”

“Oh,” He looks down, biting his lip, having a faraway look in his face; even now it is hard for him to think that maybe she had a reason sending him to Archie. Not the best of the reasons, but better than no reason at all. She can’t blame him and she won’t. If she could turn back time she would have made things differently with him. But they can only jump through worlds and she can try to make things better for him, for them, from now on.

“But you wanted me, right? I mean, I know that Emma didn’t-“

“Emma was a child herself and in prison,” she interrupts him. “I’m sure that if she was a few years older and had a steady job, she would have kept you.”

“Keep is not the same as want.”

“Look at me,” she says and when he fails to meet her gaze, she puts a finger down his chin like she used to do when he was just her tiny little guy and wanted him to know that he had her full attention. It looks ridiculous to do so now that Henry is too tall and his shoulders are too wide, but he lets her and she can only smile to him. “I don’t know what you think about your adoption and I don’t care to tell the truth.”

He snorts and puts a knee on top of the other, arms crossed in front of him. “O-okay, you are full of surprises today.”

“No, listen.” She exhales loudly. The things she’s about to say to him she hasn’t said them to anyone. Not to Emma, the woman she’s shared her bed and life with for the past years. Not to Archie, someone that she feels close enough to, to call a friend, and definitely not to Snow White. She has figured out that her relationship with Snow is at its best when they talk about mindless things like recipes and crime books. Occasionally they talk about Emma too, but nothing too deep.

“Mom? You don’t have to tell me,” Henry says, sensing that this is something she’s not comfortable talking about.

“I always wanted kids.” When he says nothing she continues, “When Daniel died my dream to have a family died as well. And then I became the Evil Queen and I had all that darkness around me.” She stops, feeling her eyes burn, but if she can’t tell him the truth about the baby, at least she can tell him the truth about him. “I was the darkness.”

“Mom,” he says and there is only sadness in his voice.

“People started talking about me and the more they talked the more I did, and kids became a forbidden thought. Everywhere I went I brought chaos and pain, people were hiding their kids from me, whispering behind my back that any child of mine would be cursed and evil, and after a while I believed them.”

“Come on, mom.” It’s obvious, from the way his voice waves at the end that this conversation hurts him, but she’s determined to get some things out of her chest. Maybe, just maybe, it will help him understand her a bit more.

“How could I not? You never met my mother, but you know the things she had done. And I thought, the apple didn’t fall very far from the tree. I believed that for so long. We were here, in this new land, for over a decade and I still believed that. How could I be a good mother when all I knew was how to hurt people?” Again she stops, this time when she feels his hand squeezing hers. The message is subtle, clear; go on, I’ve got you. “Here, in Storybrooke, I wasn’t the Evil Queen anymore, but up here?” She tips her temple. “I never stopped and it took me over a decade to get over my fears and fill out a form.”

Henry smiles, “And then you got me.”

“Eventually,” she says softly. “And the day I held you-”

“Best day of your life!” His smile turns into a wide grin and she takes his hand and kisses his fingers like she did when he was a toddler.

“The scariest day of my life. You were so innocent and I haven’t been that for a very long time.”

 

It’s raining buckets by the time Regina opens the door and Henry runs inside, hair and jacket wet from the rain, but his cheeks are red and he’s laughing, explaining to her something that happened at school today. Regina’s too busy getting her boots out that she doesn’t realizes when Emma walks down the stairs until she feels a warm hand on her back.

She turns and stares straight into Emma’s eyes. “Hey.”

“Hey.” The blonde says awkwardly. 

Henry looks at them for a while before bursting into a new round of laughter. “You are worst than schoolboys. And I _am_ one!”

“Shower,” Regina orders and he runs upstairs but not before kissing both his mothers in the cheek.

“Katherine called.” Emma informs her when they hear his bedroom door close. “You forgot your phone here. I didn’t realize it was yours until she told me.”

“Why are you apologizing? I’ve picked up your phone many times before.” Regina runs a hand through her wet hair and watches as Emma moves from one foot to another. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.”

“ _Emma_.”

“I don’t feel well, okay?” She says and puts a hand in front of her. “My stomach or something.”

“Go lay down and I’ll make you some soup.” Emma opens her mouth to protest, but Regina doesn’t let her. “Now, Emma.”

“Yeah, okay. Nothing too spicy.” She says from the stairs.

“I know, dear.”

It is such a familiar scene that Regina stands outside the kitchen’s door trying to compose herself. For a couple minutes there it was, as if nothing had happened, just a couple having a silly fight. Emma eating like a ten year old and having a stomach ache, and her making chicken soup to sooth her. 

As nice as it was, pretending that nothing’s wrong, it doesn’t last long. Regina goes to the kitchen to heat up some chicken soup for Emma – canned soup will do on such short notice. She opens the fridge to take out the cheese and frowns. “I really need to go to the grocery store,” she says to herself running a thumb to her forehead, the taste of the wine still on her lips.

But she had been a single mother for ten years, running the town and taking care of a boy that was far too demanding of her attention so coming up with something that’s close to a healthy lunch sans canned soup, it’s nothing she hasn’t faced before. There was a time that facing a Troll wasn’t as scary as facing a hungry two years old kid. And Emma is not a two years old kid; she will appreciate the time and effort Regina took to open and heat up the chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese sandwich and won’t spit it in her face.

She hopes. That soup sure looks nasty.

She puts both plates out and on a second thought, takes out a glass and fills it with milk. Carefully as not to spill the soup or the milk, she goes upstairs to their bedroom. Henry’s door is closed, but she can hear the shower running and him singing faintly the lyrics of a hip hop song and smiles.

That he took after his other mom.

“If you don’t like the soup remember you went shopping last week,” she warns before entering the room and is greeted with the sight of an empty bed. “Emma?”

She hears a sniff first and rolls her eyes. She really thought they were done for today. If Emma couldn’t see that her making soup was a peace offering then she was as idiotic as her two parents. She leaves the tray to the bed, already irritated with the blonde’s behavior and follows the sniffing to the bathroom.

Emma is sitting on the toiler, head down between her hands, crying softly.

“Honesty, dear, if anyone should cry it should be me…” Her voice trails off. Emma looks at her with wide, fearful eyes and Regina hasn’t seen that look on Emma’s face since that night in Neverland. Instantly, she’s on her knees in front of the blonde, hands on Emma’s cheeks as she’s trying to read the other woman’s face and fails when Emma makes a grimace and more tears come out, and Regina doesn’t really know what’s going on. “What? Emma, what?”

Then she sees the toilet paper that Emma still holds between, sees the red, so crimson on white white paper and the room starts to spin around her.

 _Oh_!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have very little faith to the writers to write in a way that makes sense the whole adoption thing. S2 is enough to justify my fears, but we will always have fanfiction.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Belle loves Rumpelstiltskin and because of that he gets a get out of jail free card. If someone as sweet and lovely as Belle can love the Dark One, then perhaps he’s not that bad.” Regina can practically see and hear the gears in Snow’s brain moving. “Emma is my Belle. My get out of jail free card. And the baby? The baby of the Savior and the Evil Queen? The baby is my _indulgentia_ , the _pardon_ for all of my sins.”

“Here you are.”

“Here I am.”

“I was looking everywhere for you.”

“And now you found me.”

Regina watches as Snow stands at the chapel’s door not knowing if she wants to come inside or go back to Emma’s room. She’s surprised that Snow left her daughter’s side in the first place. From the way she was crying and hugging Emma, she didn’t think that was possible. Perhaps Whale had finally decided to do his job and keep visitors away from Emma’s room.

That was the reason Regina was sitting in the chapel, alone, waiting patiently for the crowd to go away because Gods forbid something happen to the Savior or the Evil Queen and the town doesn’t find out. Henry, as shocked as he was, couldn’t have sent a text or call his grandparents; the boy had barely put his clothes on, hair still wet from the shower, when Regina marched into his room, telling him that they are going to the hospital.

Whale is not that stupid to go behind her back again so that leaves the rest of the staff and nurses, and frankly, Regina is too tired to give a damn. Driving here with a sobbing Emma and a frantic Henry, and then waiting for news while trying to explain to Snow and David what happened without losing her patience, wore her out. The adrenaline is wearing off, add that to the fact that she had wine, bread and cheese for lunch, and now she’s crashing, hard. 

She doesn’t even protest when Snow hands her a soda with more sugar in it than she had the whole week. Instead she takes it with a small smile and downs half of it with few gulps.

“Henry thinks Emma is having a magic baby.” Snow takes a seat next to her, making sure that there is enough space between their bodies. “Why does he thinks that?”

“Would you rather have him think of his mother as a stupid bitch who can’t keep her legs closed?” 

Okay, now she’s just lashing and at the wrong person, but Snow seems to realize that and lets her have her drink without saying a word. Regina takes her time, small slow sips, because she already feels the pressure of air in her chest from drinking too fast.

“She’s my daughter, Regina,” Snow sounds defeated, small, so much unlike the woman Regina loves and hates. “What am I suppose to do?”

“Do you really believe that I’m expecting anything from you?” 

She watches as Snow inhales loudly, holding the air inside her lungs as if to keep all the negativity inside. Couple of years before a comment like that and they would be hair pulling and crossing lefts and rights until they both were gasping for air. Now, with Neverland always in the back of their minds, now they hurt each other with words and uncomfortable silence. 

“You can’t expect me to choose-“

“Choose? When did you ever choose me to start now?” 

“Regina.” Snow takes another breath, weighting her options, “She’s my daughter.”

“Snow, if you came here to tell me about your family tree I am very aware of it, dear.”

“I came here to see how you are doing.”

“I’m fine as you can see.” And just because she can’t help but add insult to injury, “It’s not the first time that I trusted someone of your bloodline only to have my trust broken.”

Snow stands up, ready for a fight, eyes burning with something that Regina can’t identify, anger? Regret? Maybe both, maybe not. Regina takes one last sip from her drink before, with a cold smile, she makes the can disappear from her hand and Snow gets the message because she sits again, eyes on the crucifix in the middle of the altar, lips a thin line.

They are the only two people in the chapel, but someone was here before them because the flick of two candles gets Regina’s attention and she looks away from Snow, to the other side of the room. With the curse broken, she thought that no one would worship the God of this land, but it seems that no matter the world or the time, someone will always pray for a miracle.

In their land they had the Blue Fairy to decide whose wish would be granted and whose wouldn’t and Regina, from a very small age, learned that no one would come for her. Some nights she can’t fall asleep and watches the seconds turn into hours, sometimes she wonders how different her life would be if someone had come for her. And sometimes she wonders why no one came for her and rest never comes on those nights.

“What are you going to do?” 

“Emma and I came to an agreement.”

Snow, who is still looking in front of her as if she waiting for a piece of wood to give her the answers to all her questions, asks, “Agreement?”

“I am not stupid, Snow.”

Snow laughs and puts her head between her hands, shaking it. “What does that even means?”

“It means that I’ve done some stupid things in my life, trusting you, Emma,” she makes a gesture with her head. “But I’m not stupid.”

“Well, I am.” Snow raises her head and looks at Regina. “Because I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Answer me one question; why do you think no one went after Rumpelstiltskin when Emma broke the curse?” And because Snow looks more confused than ever, Regina continues. “Back in the Enchanted Forest you had him locked in a cell because he was dangerous to all of us yet here he walks free.”

“I don’t understand what that has to do with Emma. Or you.”

“Belle.”

“Belle, what?” Snow licks her lips, clearly uncomfortable with the way this conversation is going.

“Belle loves Rumpelstiltskin and because of that he gets a get out of jail free card. If someone as sweet and lovely as Belle can love the Dark One, then perhaps he’s not that bad.” Regina can practically see and hear the gears in Snow’s brain moving. “Emma is my Belle. My get out of jail free card. And the baby? The baby of the Savior and the Evil Queen? The baby is my _indulgentia_ , the _pardon_ for all of my sins.”

“Gods, Regina!”

Snow runs a hand through her hair, but it’s not enough. Regina sits and watches, as the other woman stands up and starts pacing up and down the small chapel. She smiles, thinking of all the things that might be crossing Snow’s mind right now, sure that none of them are good for her well-being. She admits it, she took it a bit too far with the whole pardon thing, but they are inside a chapel. It would have been a waste of a good opportunity.

Snow is standing in front of her and Regina blinks in surprise; the other woman moves fast when she wants it. 

“You don’t mean it.” Snow’s jaw is tight and she’s shaking her head, whispering the same words a few more times, the light from the altar that falls on her from behind makes her look like a shadow, darker and bigger than she really is. “You don’t mean it. I know you, Regina.”

“You know nothing, Snow White.” Regina snaps. 

“I do,” Snow nods, desperately holding back tears from falling. “I know you.”

“You. Know. Nothing.” 

Snow laughs then, a burst of laugh than sounds even louder to the empty room. She turns her back to Regina, one hand on her forehead and the other fist to her side before turning to face Regina once more, tears running down her cheeks. 

“I know that if you didn't feel anything for my daughter you would be up there in her room, smiling and attending to her every need for the whole town to see.” She wipes the tears from her cheeks before she continues. “I know that she hurt you and now you are trying to hurt me back because it’s easier to blame me for her actions. I know that if you thought of the baby like a _pardon_ for your sins then you would be up there, cheering for his or hers conception instead of hiding in a chapel so don’t you dare sit there, lying to my face because that’s what you’re doing!”

Regina looks at her, trying to challenge Snow, trying to show that Snow’s words didn't hit home, but they both know that’s just her pride and nothing more.

“See?” Snow asks and sits next to her, and when she takes her hand in hers, Regina doesn't fight back, she lets her and Snow, her once sworn enemy, squeezes it back, offering her comfort. “I do know some things.”

And together they sit, in silence, staring ahead of them, until Henry comes and finds them, and only then Regina lets go of Snow’s hand.

 

[x]

 

Emma is fighting with the remote control when Regina goes back to the room and for a moment she stands at the door and smiles at the blonde. Then she remembers what Emma did and her smile fades into a scowl. 

Snow had been right, she still has feelings for Emma. She thought that it would be easier, to hate Emma, to forget and move on, but despite what Emma did, she still has feelings for her. Her heart still skips a beat when she sees that mess of blond hair or the blonde’s smile and that is what makes it hurt so. Her feelings didn’t change and she wishes they had.

You don’t stop loving someone, your pride makes you think you do and Regina? Her pride, well, her pride brought them here. To a nice little town in Maine, with modern technology, fast downloads and cable TV. 

“Hey,” Emma calls from the bed and Regina walks inside, takes the chair from the corner of the room, repositions it to the side of Emma’s bed.

“I sent Henry home with your parents. Whale wants to keep you overnight.”

“Hell no! I’m fine, the baby’s fine, I’m going home.”

“Too bad, you’re staying.” 

Emma, stubborn as Regina sometimes, clicks the TV off and throws the remote to her feet. “I want to go home, Regina. I’m tired of people coming every five minutes to my room to check on me. You heard Whale, the blood, it happens in a lot of pregnancies. It didn’t happen with Henry, I freaked out, I want to go home.”

Regina says nothing, reaches for the remote, turns on the TV and finds a documentary she hadn’t seen. After a while, Emma seems to understand that she’s fighting a losing battle and settles back against the pillows with a groan of frustration. 

Nurses come and go, Whales visits twice before he leaves the hospital with a warning to call him if anything’s wrong or if Emma feels ‘anything funny’ which earns him a glance from Regina. Night settles in and no one in the hospital is bold enough to ask the Evil Queen to leave so that Emma can get some rest. She stays with Emma, making herself less threatening if not invisible and after a while no one pays attention to her. 

“I know how you feel.”

They are sharing a bowl of jell-o, banana flavored, when Emma decides to break the silence. Regina doesn’t blame her. They have been watching television for the last three hours and her eyes start to feel dry. The break for something sweet (but healthy) was much needed and a brilliant idea from Emma.

“You think I don’t, but I do.” Emma digs her spoon deep in the yellow-ish desert, taking half the jell-o and watching it shake. “I was seventeen, pregnant and in jail, and the only person I trusted had skipped town. So I know how it is to feel trapped with nowhere to go and maybe you’re not behind bars, but you can’t exactly pack your things up and leave.”

“I don’t think Henry would like that very much,” Regina licks her spoon clean and waits for Emma to continue.

“He wouldn’t, you know that.”

She does actually and if she smiles it’s because of the memory of them earlier sitting on a bench, talking and smiling, just happy to spend time together.

“Neal…Jesus, I never thought I’ll pull a Neal on anyone let alone on someone I care about. But I did and I know how much it hurts, okay? I know and I hate myself for doing that to you. I hate me because I know. I hate me more because I know how hard it is for people like us to put our trust in someone else hands.” Emma tilts her head, trying to find Regina’s eyes. “I know that a ‘sorry’ it’s not going to fix things.” She laughs. “I know that if Neal had come while I was in prison saying he was sorry I would have been behind bars for a lot more than a year.”

Despite herself, Regina laughs. Yeah, she can picture a younger, heartbroken, pregnant Emma kicking Neal’s ass with ease.

“All I’m saying is,” Emma stops to take a breath and Regina is almost afraid of what’s next. “Hate me all you want, but don’t hate the baby.”


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you think I’m staying with her because she’s what I know?” She asks him suddenly. 
> 
> “Do you feel like you staying with her because she’s what you know?” Archie, like a good therapist, answers a question with a question.

There is a picture of a marijuana leaf on her lighter and she stares at it for a very long time before shrugging her shoulders and lighting her cigarette. 

Archie watches her and she knows he’s watching. These days he’s always watching her, like he’s expecting her to start to wear her hair really high and apply too much eyeliner. She’s not sure what the bug would do if she did; would he jump to stop her or would he try to analyze the Evil Queen like the pseudo-psychologist he is. She wants to believe that he would just try to talk her like a friend. 

Only they are not exactly friends. Regina never had friends. People either used her or she used them. Maybe that why Emma’s betrayal hurt so much. If they can’t work things out, Regina is going to lose her best friend as well and that is something she doesn’t want to happen. Despite everything she did to her, Emma managed to see her as a human being who was hurting rather than some mythical creature made from the worst nightmares.

Emma didn’t see the Evil Queen or Queen Regina. She saw a woman who was hurting and would do anything to keep the one thing she had in her life; Henry. Regina never cared about her actions before because she had no one to care for. Watching Henry trying to come to terms with who his mother was and what she did was enough to make her want to change her ways. At one time it seemed impossible, but then Neverland happened and if Regina is sitting in Archie’s office, talking her feeling, instead of burning this city to cinders it’s because of Henry.

“I can’t let go.”

Archie nods. It is not the first time they have this conversation. It’s a topic they have often and despite Regina knowing what she has to change, it is pretty obvious that she needs help from someone that wasn’t a cricket in a past life. And while Regina would like nothing more than find the help that she needs, the risks are too high.

So Archie is trying his best, reading textbooks and searching online, and, slowly, they are making progress. 

That his office is right across from Granny’s is a huge advantage for Regina. The town has noticed she’s trying and while she's not going to win a popularity contest yet, she’s not constantly checking over her shoulder for danger. 

“Can I ask you something?” Archie says and just by looking at him she knows what he’s going to say. It is comforting, knowing someone so well without having anything to gain from them.

“It helps me calm my nerves.”

“I see.” 

He doesn’t ask her to put her smoke out nevertheless she takes one last puff and with a wave of her hand it disappears from her fingers.

“I’m worried more about _that_ than you smoking again.” He leans forward, resting his elbows to his knees. Pongo, from his spot in the corner, lifts his head and sniffs the air before getting back to chewing his new toy. “Pongo wants to thank you for his new toy by the way, but you know you don’t have to buy him something every time you come here.”

“I like him.” The Dalmatian, as if he understands that they are talking about him, barks. “I’m not slipping.”

“No one would blame you if you did.”

Regina’s not so sure. A lot of people would blame her if she started using magic and she doesn’t talk about the little things like making a cigarette or a can of soda disappear. She even poofed Henry to his baseball practice one time when Emma was at work and the battery of her Benz was dead.

People; they expect to see her poof in the middle of the street. She'd never hidden her powers before. In fact most times she put on quite a show. Even Henry expects her to use her powers every now and then, perhaps because Emma uses magic sometimes or because of the battle with Pan, but he’s not so against it anymore.

If it helps him get to his practice on time then he’s fine with it.

“I’m not slipping,” she says again, stubbornly. 

“And I’m saying it again. No one would blame you if you did. Finding comfort in old habits,” he points to the pack of tobacco next to her cell and gives her an understanding smile. “in situations such as you’re going through is not uncommon.”

“I don’t think the town would be very understanding even if-” Her voice fades. People might suspect that the baby the Savior is carrying is not hers, but not many have a deep knowledge of magic. What most of them knew about magic was how to ask for help and then get angry when they have to pay the price.

Archie finds the opportunity he needs to change the subject and asks, “How are things with Emma?”

Her hand flies to the tobacco pouch and she wasn’t lying when she admitted to him that smoking helps with her nerves. She takes out a rolling paper, spreads a small amount of tobacco and rolls it without much effort, a sign that she has done that many times in the past. She doesn’t light it though and sees from the corner of her eye the little smile on Archie’s face.

“She sends me lots of texts.” 

“Texts?”

“When she’s going out. She sends me texts telling me where she’s going and with whom.” 

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

“That’s five months too late,” she’s irritated now and the urge to smoke is greater than ever and Gods, quitting smoking one time was hard enough, she doesn’t know if she can do it a second time.

Not when the whole Charming family is at her house painting the nursery.

“I know what she’s doing. I’m not an idiot.”

Emma is trying to gain her trust, only this time she's using action instead of words. Ever since they left the hospital, two months ago, the blonde is texting or calling her if she’s going to be late and spends most of her time at home with Regina or Henry. For Gods sake, she even learned how to cook! And while Regina feels her anger rise every time Emma sends a text, she can’t help but like it when she doesn’t have to cook after a long day at the office.

What she really doesn’t want to admit is that it’s working. She hasn’t forgiven Emma and she’s not sure if she will, but it is working. But if Emma is making an effort, Regina isn’t even trying. Emma might have her trust, but Regina is not so sure that she has her heart anymore, ergo her almost daily visits to Archie. 

“Do you think I’m staying with her because she’s what I know?” She asks him suddenly. 

“Do you feel like you staying with her because she’s what you know?” Archie, like a good therapist, answers a question with a question.

“I don’t know.”

She asks herself that question every since they left from the hospital, two months ago. And every time she fails to give an answer, fear takes over. Fear that she’s in another relationship with no meaning. Like Leopold, like Graham. And while she knows that she wasn't forced into a relationship with the Savior or that she was tired of feeling lonely and wanted a body to warm her bed, she’s starting to feel like she doesn’t have options. 

She never did well when she was out of options.

She gets up from where she’s sitting, needing to blow off some energy. Pongo sees her, gets up lazily, stretches his body, and meets her halfway across the room. His nose is wet when he licks her fingers, thanking her for his toy.

“Dogs are easy,” she says to Archie while she kneels to pet Pongo. “You can always tell how they feel about you.” 

[x][x][x][x][x][x][x][x]

She pops a stick of gum in her mouth to cover the smell of the smoke she finally had after she left Archie’s office and chews it a few times before spitting it into her handkerchief. 

The door is open and she can hear voices inside, Henry’s and David’s, arguing about something and then a laugh, Snow, and she closes her eyes and tries to fight the urge to get back in the car and go to Granny’s for a drink until David and Snow go back to their own place.

Instead, she walks inside and goes straight to the kitchen for a glass of water, glad to find the room empty. Filling her glass with water from the tap, she notices that Emma has done the few dishes Regina had left in the sink before going to her appointment with Archie; a coffee cup and a couple of dirty plates from Henry’s room. She even did the laundry. All those little things Regina bothered her to do for ages, always ending with a fight, and now she finds herself missing their routine. 

“Hey.” 

She turns around and shrugs her shoulders in a greeting. “Hey.”

Emma is five months pregnant now and she wasn’t showing at all until she hit the second trimester. She hasn’t put on much weight and while her cheeks are fuller and her chest is a size bigger, her baby bump stands out. For a while they thought she was carrying twins before an ultrasound proved them wrong.

“Are you still fighting with the bed?” Regina asks and takes a sip from her water.

“I think it’s safe to say that we’ll ask Marko to do the rest of the baby’s furniture.”

“Of course.” She nods.

 _Do you feel like you staying with her because she’s what you know?_ She hears Archie’s voice loud in her head and as much as she tries, she doesn’t have an answer. She knows she still has feeling for Emma, if she didn’t she wouldn’t be jealous of someone she never met. Then again, perhaps it’s just her pride that can’t accept that someone else touched belonged to her.

What she thought belonged to her.

Gods, she really has trouble letting go. 

“ I have a headache,” she lies, rubbing the back of her neck for emphasis. “Do you need me or-“

“No, hey, you go rest.” Emma’s eyes shine with unshed tears, but she shakes her head, her pride also out to play. “We have it covered. Yeah. David’s almost figured out what we need to do. So, yeah, go rest, okay? We won’t bother you. In fact, I’m going to ask them to leave.”

Not in a million years would she believe that there was going to be a time to feel sorry about Snow White and Prince Charming, but here she is, staring as their only daughter is close to tears. “No, you know, you don’t have to do that. I’ll go to my study.”

Uncomfortable silence falls between them and it’s then Regina realizes that their relationship has changed. She never felt uncomfortable sharing the silence with Emma before. Not after they became a couple and had to hide their relationship from everyone. Now, now she feels the silence as if there is a third person in the room with them.

“Please, don’t shut me out.” 

“I’m not.” But even in her ears the words sound empty.

“I’m trying, Regina.” Emma walks inside the room and closes the door behind her knowing all to well about Henry’s little habit of eavesdropping. She keeps her voice low when she asks, “But am I fighting a losing battle? Because I feel like I am and…and I wouldn’t blame you. But I need to know, okay? I need to know.”

“Emma, I-I don’t know.”

She doesn’t. She’s not sure what has changed in those two months, but she knows that something did. Otherwise she wouldn’t be staring at the blonde, trying to find a reason to fight for what they have.

For what they had.

Perhaps it’s because she can’t give an answer to the one question that bothered her for so many days and nights now. Perhaps it’s because she’s afraid of the answer. 

“I don’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After Sunday's episode I had to rewrite one scene. I believe you all know which one.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knows that tone very well. The tone Emma uses when Regina does something Emma doesn’t approve and most times she finds it annoying, but right now she finds it stupid. What is Emma thinking? That she’s going to let a pregnant woman fight whoever is inside their house with her sword?

No one could guess it, but the Evil Queen has a thing for bad 80’s horror b-movies. When she found herself in this land she was fascinated with this world’s version of monsters. Monsters that could appear in your sleep and kill you in your dreams, monsters that could stalk you from empty houses and kill you with the most horrible way.

This land, this land glorified their monsters. 

They made video games and masks and costumes for Halloween, and people laughed and chased each other and it was easy to forget that not so long ago, in another land, she was the monster people feared, the one that kids had nightmares about. 

If Dr. Hopper was here he would tell her that the reason she loves those movies so much is because they remind her of a time she was nothing more than the mayor of a small town in Maine. No curse, no book, no fighting. Just one of the millions that went to the movies for a good scare. 

But Archie is not here, Henry and Emma are both sleeping at their rooms, and Regina is eating leftovers and watching with amusement an 80’s zombie movie, trying really hard not to laugh at how ridiculous the acting, the plot and the special effects are. 

The worst thing is not the ridiculous dialogue or the scenes that, thirty years later, still don’t make sense, no, the worst thing is that she remembers how excited she had been waiting for this movie to come out. And while Emma is making fun of her obsession with b-movies, Henry seems to enjoy them and they even have movie marathons every now and then. One thing both seem to agree on is that zombie films are awesome. Henry, unlike his other mother, has a good taste in movies.

After Snow and David left, Henry needed help with his homework and while Emma is still learning her way around the kitchen, Regina is better with research. Henry often mocks Emma about that, but as Emma points out, finding people is very different from finding information online. And while any other time Regina would be glad to help Henry with his homework, her earlier session with Archie and her little chat with Emma left her in a bad mood.

That’s why she’s watching TV at 3 am when she has an early meeting in the morning. She went to bed around eleven only to wake a few hours later. 

On the TV the zombie is about to eat another teenager when she hears a loud noise from upstairs. Without thinking, she uses magic to appear in the second floor, only to come face to face with a panic looking Emma and a confused looking Henry.

“It came from the nursery,” Emma states, her green eyes wide with alarm.

“Mom?” Henry looks at her as if he wants her to fix everything, but places himself in front of Emma at the same time.

“Take your mother inside,” she orders, knowing full well that Emma won’t like it.

“Regina.” 

“And close the door behind you.”

She knows that tone very well. The tone Emma uses when Regina does something Emma doesn’t approve and most times she finds it annoying, but right now she finds it stupid. What is Emma thinking? That she’s going to let a pregnant woman fight whoever is inside their house with her sword? Thankfully, Henry seems to be on the same page as her because he pushes Emma back to the bedroom not carrying about his mother’s protests.

Regina, once she makes sure that not only Henry and Emma are safe in her bedroom, but have locked the door behind them. “Don’t open the door unless I tell you so.” And with that she goes to find what caused the noise, fireball at hand.

The house is quiet. Perhaps too quiet so she’s not taking any chances. It’s been a while since there was a threat to her life, living with the Savior has pros and cons, but she’s keeping to herself, sees Dr. Hopper weekly and hasn’t made an attempt against Snow’s life for quite some time now. Last spring she threw out the first ball at Henry’s first baseball match of the season, if someone is after her he or she couldn’t pick a worse time.

The fireball in her hand grows bigger, the flames dance like snakes that feed from oxygen and her anger, and she has to tune it down, calm her emotions before she sets the house on fire. She hates to admit it, but Archie might be right to worry about her; she has a bad habit of letting her emotions rule her and the more powerful the emotion the more powerful the magic.

Whoever is behind that door, man or woman, is in for a surprise.

She teleports herself in the room, ducking her head for an attack that never comes. The fire in her hand makes every shadow in the room look bigger, sinister, gloomier. And then, at the corner of the room and spread to the floor she sees it. With a sigh the fire is gone and her hand finds the switch, the light hurting her eyes.

“Idiot,” she whispers to herself and kneels down to gather all the pieces of the baby’s bed in one corner.

Tomorrow she’s going to call Marco and no matter what Henry thinks if David sets one foot in the nursery again she’s fireballing him to ashes.

She makes sure that she has all the screws and nuts so she won’t have to drive all the way to Stoughton. With a shake of her head, she turns the light out, closes the door and leaves to clean the rest of the mess tomorrow. She has to put Henry back to bed although she knows that once Henry’s up he can’t go back to sleep and she doesn’t know how, but he takes after her because Emma can go to sleep anywhere and with little effort.

“Open the door, Henry,” she knocks the door gently, rhythmical, the way she used to do when he was little and didn’t want to startle him.

She doesn’t have to wait long, the door opens and a furious looking Emma stares back at her. Behind her, Regina sees that Henry is sitting at the edge of the bed, looking for an explanation.

“Your father is an idiot,” she says to Emma and at the bed Henry grins. “Prince Charming was bested by IKEA.”

That is not something Emma expects and Regina watches with amusement her face features change from anger to confusion. “What do you mean?”

“The baby bed your father put together earlier? Well, dear, let’s just say that it’s a good thing you have four more months in front of you.”

Behind them Henry laughs.

[x][x][x][x] 

“My father is an idiot,” Emma blows air to her cup of tea and takes a cookie from the jar.

Henry is finally in his bed, sleeping, and he’s probably going to miss first period, but that’s fine. Regina will have to write him a note or drive him to school herself…

“I have an early meeting,” she remembers and searches the jar until she finds a white chocolate cookie and dips it into her coffee. “Can you drive Henry at school?”

“You don’t have to ask, you know I will.”

She nods mechanically, her mind already somewhere else and she starts to hum a song under her breath. She doesn’t understand she’s doing it until Emma chuckles next to her and she focus again. 

“What?”

“You were singing.”

She hadn’t done that in a very long time. Henry was still a little boy with messy hair and a toothless smile. She sang song to him instead of lullabies because her mother never sang to her and her father preferred to tell her stories. Henry didn’t want stories, he tossed and turned until she gave up and sang to him. 

Now days he sleeps with his headphones on.

“I fell in love with your voice,” Emma takes another cookie and keeps her gaze to her cup.

“Did you?”

“I did, yes. At first it was strange because I wasn’t supposed to have feelings for you.”

“And then?”

Emma doesn’t answer her. “You know, you would call me on the phone and I could barely think straight and you didn’t make me life easy, yet I had butterflies in my stomach every time you talked to me. Or to Henry. But mostly to me.”

“Then you broke the curse.”

“Then I broke the curse,” Emma nods. “And suddenly I was in another land, with my roommate who was also my mother and I hated you, Regina. I mean, I _hated_ you.”

“That is very elaborate of you.” She takes a sip from her coffee.

“And then I met your mother.”

She puts her coffee mug down hard on the table and Emma knows better than to continue. Even now, after all those years, Regina finds it hard to talk about her mother. And while Emma never had a mother figure in her life, Regina had to look into her mother’s eyes and see the disappointment in them and know that she was the cause of that. 

“Anyway,” Emma knows better than to go there. “You can find someone attractive and hate them at the same time.”

“I do hope you have a point, Emma.” She says somewhat irritate; she’s getting tired of all those late night/early morning confessions.

“I love you.”

“I know.” She takes a sip from her coffee as if they aren’t talking about the elephant in the room. “That’s why _this_ hurts so much.”

“I didn’t mean to-“ Emma stops midsentence.

Regina is glad that Emma didn’t finish what she wanted to say. She’s tired of hearing excuses not from the blonde, but from everyone but the blonde. Snow came after Whale released Emma with a basket full of fresh fruits and worried eyes, but left with more questions than answers.

David, after Snow told him the truth about the baby, was at the mansion almost every day, watching Regina, watching Emma, watching Henry, waiting for something and being his usual useless self. The man can’t even put together a simple bed! But, Regina has to admit, he has done more for his daughter the few years they have been together than her father did all his life.

Sometimes Regina thinks if her life would have been any different if her father was a little bit like the shepherd, but then she remembers cold brown eyes that were never satisfied and she can’t really blame her father for being afraid of his wife. They were never in love, her mother and her father and the few times that her father felt brave enough to talk about his relationship with Cora it was always the same; her mother was someone that he could fall in love with if she wasn’t so calculated, so cold.

Regina had taken her heart out, offering it to Tinkerbelle in exchange for her help and she still felt her heart beat faster when talking about Henry. When you felt love for someone that was it, heart or no heart, you would never forget the feeling. 

“I know, okay? You didn’t want to, but you did and I…” she trails off. She knows why Emma did it; the blonde might read through the lines, but Regina can connect the dots. It’s not a reason to forgive the blonde, but it is something. At least now Regina knows Emma didn’t do it because of her.

Still, it’s a mistake that she’s not sure she can put behind her.

“I need a smoke,” she says standing up. She keeps a pack of tobacco in her purse at all times and one at home in the only place Henry will never search to find; in the kitchen cabinet where she keeps her herbs and spices. 

Emma, stubbornly, doesn’t move her chair to make room for her and Regina has to squeeze between the chair and the counter, but soon she’s rolling a thin cigarette, thinner than Kathryn’s purse packs. Unlike her, Kathryn’s still a social smoker while Regina is up to a pack every other day.

“It’s cold outside.” It’s all that Emma says.

“Emma,” she plays with the cigarette between her fingers, debating if to go out and have a much needed smoke or stay inside and have a much needed talk with the blonde. “I can’t have this talk with you right now.” 

“But we need to talk. We need to talk, Regina.”

“I’m tired of talking!” 

Truth is, she’s not used to talk about her feelings and thoughts. She never had anyone to listen to her before, her mother never paid attention to her, her father dismissed everything she said because he was too scared to go against her mother and the only person that was willing to listen she cost her wings. 

She was surprised when Archie had come to her, offering his help to her because the last time someone had come offering his help it was the Dark One and he took more than he offered. Most of her life she was wishing for someone to listen to her and now she’s wishing for some peace and quiet.

“Suddenly everyone wants to talk with me, your mother, your father, the Blue Fairy.”

“The Blue Fairy?” 

“She wanted to know what my intentions are towards the baby.” Having enough, she puts the cigarette between her lips and lights it with magic. “I told her that if she wanted to know if I’m going to put the baby into a magic wardrobe and send him through a portal, she’s asking the wrong person.”

She cracks a window open, enjoying the chill of the night and she’s almost done with her smoke when Emma decides to speak again. 

“What can I do?”

“About the Blue Fairy? I can handle Blue, dear.” 

“No, I mean…with us. I mean with us, what can I do? I don’t know what to do and I want to do something, I _need_ to do something!”

“I don’t know.”

“But you have to know. You have to, Regina. If you don’t know then I’m lost and I can’t lose you.” 

_Too late_ , Regina thinks but doesn’t say it out loud, but Emma looks at her and understands, her eyes red with unshed tears. 

“You know what I first loved about you?” She asks out of the blue and Emma shakes her head. “I loved that you didn’t see me as the Evil Queen. But, Emma, I don’t think it’s enough anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for the delay. A cold left me at bed for two weeks at the same time I learned that an old friend from school died. He had moved to a different town, but we talked online every now and then. Needless to say I wasn't in the right mood to write.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been too long. Far too long since the last time she kissed the other woman; since she felt safe, wanted, like she belonged. Emma, in a lot of ways, is like her. Both never felt wanted by their families. Her father loved her, but not enough to make him stand up to her mother, and she only recently started to talk about her father to Archie. The issues with her mother were pretty obvious, but lately she’s starting to think that her father’s passiveness hurt her more than she’s ready to admit.

“No.” Emma stands up, pushing her chair back with an awful sound and Regina’s surprised that Henry hasn’t come running down; the poor boy must be exhausted. They try to be as normal as they can when he’s home, but Henry is not a fool. He thinks that things are tense because of Emma’s pregnancy and not because of Emma’s inability to take a hit like a normal person.

Then again, Regina had spent a decade of her life seeking revenge, so perhaps she's not one to talk about appropriate methods of coping. 

“Don’t say that.” Emma swallows back tears, a finger pointing at Regina as if she’s the one tearing their family apart. She has no time to respond, to tell her that, exactly like her mother, Emma had betrayed her, because she blinks and Emma is there, right in front of her, covering the few feet that separated them with a speed Regina didn’t know a pregnant woman possessed.

Emma’s lips find hers, tasting like green tea and chocolate, and soon every initial thought of pushing the blonde away is gone from her mind. Even thinking that, despite the aromatic blend she likes to smoke, her breath must be horrible, it’s not enough to make her stop and the truth is she doesn’t want to stop.

It’s been too long. Far too long since the last time she kissed the other woman; since she felt safe, wanted, like she belonged. Emma, in a lot of ways, is like her. Both never felt wanted by their families. Her father loved her, but not enough to make him stand up to her mother, and she only recently started to talk about her father to Archie. The issues with her mother were pretty obvious, but lately she’s starting to think that her father’s passiveness hurt her more than she’s ready to admit.

But with Emma she didn’t feel like a hurting animal, didn’t feel like fighting everyone and everything. The blonde had her own demons and issues, and soon Regina realized that Emma wouldn’t judge her if she let those demons out every once in a while because it meant Emma could do the same. And strangely, their little relationship worked better than her curse ever did. Not being afraid to show how broken you really are was the second best gift in her life.

Henry, of course, is the first.

She knows that when rumors about the Evil Queen and the Savior started to flow around Storybrooke, even the most optimistic were fast to pronounce their relationship a doomed one with no future, and the most pessimistic one with no present. Just two people blowing off some steam before the Savior realized what she was doing and ran back to Neal or Hook, leaving the Evil Queen alone as she should be.

Regina herself didn’t believe that what they had could last more than a few months. Six, tops, if Henry was fine with it. But soon one month turned two and two turned seven and before she knew it Emma was living with them and they were going to the market every Monday after work, Friday was movie night, and they ordered their pizza half pepperoni and double cheese and half Spanish and goat cheese. Without realizing it, the fling became something deeper, something that scared Regina to the core. It wasn’t until they found out that they both were waiting for the other shoe to drop that they sat down and had a much needed talk.

And here they are now, twenty or so months later, the Evil Queen and the Savior, doing what they know best: communicating with their bodies instead of using words. One hand grasps the back of her neck, fingernails digging in her flesh, and she moans because she’s always liked it a little rough. They both do actually; she only hopes Henry will never need pain to know he’s loved. But they… it takes one to know one.

Their lips meet again and again, wet, swollen, and hungry, and they are out of breath already. It brings good memories to Regina. Memories of their first dates when both were too awkward and polite to say what they really thought, like wild animals watching each other from a distance, waiting to see how much of a threat is the other. The first time they had sex, a quick, ten minute fuck while Henry was sleeping in his room, they used nails and teeth to mark and claim.

Now it’s not very different from that night almost two years ago. Emma’s nails leave reddish marks on her neck before she feels them roam down to her chest, not enough force to hurt, but enough to feel them on her skin even through the thin layer of her clothes and she moans into the kiss, again, before her own hands find their way to the blonde’s body. 

Strong hands cup Regina’s breasts, squeezing the flesh hard before letting go only to repeat the sweet torture once more and she opens her legs, inviting the pregnant woman in. Breaking the kiss, she throws her head back-and Emma sees her neck as an offering because she’s attacking it with her mouth like a starving woman.

Regina should stop this. 

Emma cheated on her and now she’s carrying the child of a one night stand-if she’s going to believe the blonde’s claims. And it’s that thought that hurts more because, frankly, Regina could understand falling in love with someone else or getting back with Neal for a ‘oops, I was drunk and slept with my ex’. After all, Regina has an ex of her own, one whom she sees almost every day, and the thought of ‘one last time’ crossed her mind more than once in the past.

Of course her relationship with him is nothing like the relationship of Emma’s with Neal. Despite being the offspring of the Dark One, and Neal’s past as a douchebag to Emma, the man is pretty good with Henry. If the Evil Queen learned from her mistakes, why can’t the long lost son of Rumplestiltskin do the same? She’s not one to compare her sins with Neal’s, there is no competition there; the man is practically a saint in comparison to her and his only mistake was leaving Emma because Pinocchio told him too.

Or maybe his crime is far worse than what she believes. After all, Emma herself told her that ‘she never thought she could pull a Neal;’ her words showing exactly how much the other man had hurt her. There are scars you can see, like her lip scar, and others, like a broken heart that you can’t see or tell exists. Unfortunately, the scars people can’t see are the ones that hurt the most.

“Emma,” her voice falls to a moan. Emma knows how to play her body until she’s hot and bothered, and it’s been too long, a little over ten weeks, since the last time they had sex. Regina can feel her body betraying her fast. “We need,” she stops to swallow. “We need to stop-ah!”

Emma puts a hand between her legs, making it hard for Regina to think straight. All she can think about, all she can feel is Emma’s hand on the most sensitive part of her body, applying just the right amount of pressure, and she closes her eyes as she rocks her hips, slowly getting herself off. 

“Emma,” she says again, the word coming out from her mouth weak, breathless, almost like a prayer, and it’s enough to make Emma stop and stare at her.

“You…Regina, I,” Emma struggles to find the words while Regina struggles to stop the rhythmical movement of her body, resting her forehead on Emma’s. A few more minutes of that and she’s going to come, hard, against the kitchen cabinet while her son is sleeping upstairs and her pregnant…girlfriend? Partner? Ex? She’s not sure what Emma is to her anymore, but one thing is for sure; she still wants the blonde. Maybe more than she’s ever wanted anyone in her life.

With heavy heart she pushes the blonde away, already missing the warmth of her body. Her own body is on fire, needy, ready. She turns her back to the blonde and runs the faucet, letting a few seconds pass so the water is cold, and throws some on her face. Cold drops run down her neck and chest, and she shivers, but her mind is no longer fogged with lust.

She turns the faucet off and turns to face the blonde. Emma looks at her with an expression that’s not hard to read, but Regina lacks the patience to do so; it has been a long night and all she wants to do is go to bed and catch a few hours of sleep before she has to go to the meeting.

“Emma.”

“Regina.”

They both start at the same time and an awkward smile appears on both of their faces. 

“We can’t do that, Emma.”

Emma nods, her smile gone. “I thought you…No. You are right. I shouldn’t have done that. I just thought.” She shakes her head and laughs. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m such an idiot.”

“Yes, you are.” It’s clear that Emma waits for the playful ‘but you are my idiot,’ Regina’s way of saying without saying how she really feels about Emma, but so much has happened in the last year, Regina doesn’t know where they stand anymore. 

She doesn’t know where she stands anymore. 

“We can’t do that.”

“Stop saying that! You keep saying that and, I know, okay? I know you hate me and you have every right to hate me, I know that!”

“You think I hate you?” Regina asks and the surprise must be evident on her face because Emma’s eyes go wide and there is a hint of hope in them.

“Y-you don’t?” Her voice sounds so small, like a child’s who isn’t allowed to play outside and suddenly the door is open; the fear is still there, but the excitement is stronger.

“Did it look like I hated you a couple of minutes ago?” 

“You don’t hate me?” Emma asks again and Regina doesn’t know why she has so much trouble understanding that. Is it because she’s the Evil Queen that held a grudge against Snow White for almost four decades or because Emma herself never fully forgave Neal for breaking her heart?

Regina is not sure she wants to know. “I don’t hate you, but we cannot fuck our problems away. We can’t do that, Emma, we can’t bury them and pretend they don’t exist. And I know it is exactly what I’m doing, but the alternative is to tear this town down and I can’t be that woman again.”

“You are not that woman,” Emma says with a confidence Regina doesn’t have because Emma can’t read minds. If she could, Regina is sure that they would be having a whole other conversation right now. Probably with her in a cell deep below the ground. “You are not that woman anymore. That woman wouldn’t do what you’re doing. She wouldn’t stay with me, or take care of me and the baby despite everything. And it kills me because the others can’t see the woman I see. The woman I…” Her voice breaks there and Regina feels her own throat getting tight with tears. “The woman I hurt in the most terrible way. And I…and I…”

Emma covers her mouth with both hands trying to suppress a sob. Regina, afraid that maybe it’s too much for Emma in her condition, takes the shaking blonde in her arms with a newfound calmness.

“Let’s go to bed, okay? Let’s just go to bed.”

 

Like most couples, they too have a ritual when it comes to bed.

Emma usually takes the right side of the bed, but since she’s pregnant she now sleeps on the left side of the bed, leaving Regina to turn and turn until she can find the perfect spot to sleep. Emma needs to have a small light on to sleep while Regina demands total darkness. Emma likes to sleep with two covers (three if it’s snowing outside) while if it was up to Regina the window would be open a crack. 

Nothing matters tonight.

Emma falls on the bed as gracefully as her pregnancy allows her and Regina, after a quick trip to brush her teeth, joins her without worrying about covers and sides. She lays down, staring at the ceiling, thinking that the little talk they had in the kitchen has taken away the last bits of her energy and she can’t help but think about how she’s going to feel after they she has a real talk with Emma and not little chitchats that lead nowhere.

They did make progress tonight, no matter how small it was. Even baby steps are better than no steps at all, but it is obvious that they have decisions to make. She has decisions to make. Should she keep staying with someone who cheated on her and broke her trust or should she send Emma to her parents and tell Henry the truth?

Henry. When he finds out the truth will he hate her for lying to him again, will he take her side for a second time as he did when he guessed Emma had cheated on her, or will he decide that he has had enough of their lies and go live with Neal? Not that she would blame him if he did. 

“What are you thinking?” Emma turns to her side to face her.

“Henry.”

Their son’s name is enough.

When Emma reaches for her hand under the covers Regina doesn’t pull away. Their fingers link together, and mimicking Emma, she turns onto her side facing the blonde.

And while it’s not much, it is something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all the wonderful ladies that helped me with this one, a very big thank you.


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One would say that they are nothing unlike, the Evil Queen and the White Knight, but truth is they have so much in common a crash is unavoidable. Both strong willed and stubborn as hell, and with enough parent issues to keep a psychologist busy for years. Trust issues are one more thing they have in common and the one that kept them apart until they decided to give themselves a chance.

Even in the way they sleep they are different, but not really.

One would say that they are nothing unlike, the Evil Queen and the White Knight, but truth is they have so much in common a crash is unavoidable. Both strong willed and stubborn as hell, and with enough parent issues to keep a psychologist busy for years. Trust issues are one more thing they have in common and the one that kept them apart until they decided to give themselves a chance. 

Not so different when their first instinct is to withdraw into their walls, Emma more passive while Regina stands in front of those walls, protecting them at all cost, attacking everyone and everything that comes near them. But, there was a time, when she was young and naïve and thought life wouldn’t hurt her that her first instinct was to drop her gaze to the ground, bow her head and accept her fate.

Because of that young and naïve girl, Regina decided to give in and start a relationship with Emma. The attraction was there, she can’t deny it, but Regina wanted something more than sex. Maybe not at first, but later, when it became obvious that Emma wanted more as well, when they were more like a family than two people dating. They had a kid, a kid that couldn’t understand why he had to go back and forth between them when they could just live all in one house.

Henry couldn’t possibly know about the war that was going on inside their heads; Emma, with her need of someone to choose her and then there was Regina and her insecurities of never being enough. How could they possibly not fuck things up? 

But it worked; their relationship, it worked. Slowly, like a train leaving the station for its first trip and everyone’s eyes were on it, waiting to see what will happen. It wasn’t something they didn’t know when they made their first public appearance as a couple, a Friday night years ago. No, it was something they expected and even had a backup plan in case it backfired on them, but that never happened.

Sure, some people hated the fact that the Evil Queen and the Savior were an item, but those people lived most of their lives obeying royals and knew how to keep their mouths shut. In time they came to understand that perhaps it was for the best. The Savior kept an eye to the Evil Queen and together they kept the town safe in the strangest alliance since Neverland.

Others saw their pairing with an open mind; Henry had his family, the war between Snow and the Queen was over, and Storybrooke was back to being a sleepy, little, fishermen’s town on the Maine bay. A few of them were even sad that the vendetta was over; at least then they had something to expect. All they have to expect now is lobsters season. 

Regina turns in her sleep, her left arm goes around Emma’s waist and she moves closer to the blonde without waking, and she buries her face to the crook of Emma’s neck. Her breath tickles Emma because she moves her head slightly at the same time she moves her body closer to Regina until there’s barely any space between them. They don’t sleep like that; big spoon, little spoon, it’s just not their thing. Emma sleeps on her side, facing the door while Regina likes to sleep on her back so she can have a full view of the room.

They experience life in different ways, but they are not different. 

Her phone rings and Regina groans, blinks a couple of times, but doesn’t wake up. Her body remembers a time when Henry was three or four and afraid of the storms. He used to sneak inside her room and Regina used to pretend she was also afraid of the weather before putting him to sleep next to her, covers all the way up, protecting them from the storm and even from the monsters in the closet. 

Her body remembers that, remembers how safe and loved she felt, and she waves her hand, shutting all phones in the house, before drifting back to sleep.

 

She always knows when she’s dreaming.

Back, when she first started dating Emma, she admitted that to them. It was a Friday night, she remembers the date because Friday nights are movie nights, and Henry and Emma were goofing around while she was trying to finish a report before the town’s meeting the following day. Emma was trying to spook Henry with her stories (and trying to pretend as if she hadn’t asked for Regina to change the channel last night when Nightmare on Elm Street was on) when Regina decided to join them.

Henry laughed hearing that and Emma teased her about it, but she can always tell that she’s dreaming. Weeks later, Emma came to her with her head behind a tablet, informing her that Regina is a ‘lucid’ dreamer and that’s a combination of creepy and awesome. For Regina it was the first sight that her decision to let Emma in was the right one; she was so used to people ignoring her (her mother, Leopold and, in a way, Snow) that Emma’s simple task of googling something for her was enough to make her heart ache with feelings.

Emma never realized what that gesture meant and Regina never explained it to her, but it was the boost of confidence Regina needed. 

What might happen with Emma in the future doesn’t change the fact that she always knows when she’s dreaming.

Like now.

Despite wearing modern clothes, her blue silk shirt and black trousers, she’s in her father’s house back in their land. A fire is burning and she steps to warm her hands for a bit; she can’t smell or hear the fire, but she gets a warm feeling and smiles anyway. There are people in the next room and even though she can’t hear what they say, they are loud. 

They never had visitors if it wasn’t her birthday. Only then did Cora let people inside their house and only because she wanted to find a suitor for Regina. Now she knows that no one, but the King would be enough for her mother, but back then she was glad that her mother thought so high of her and wanted only the best for her daughter.

And then she fell in love with a stable boy.

His feelings for her were pure, but he wasn’t. The son of a servant wasn’t good enough for Cora and they kept their relationship a secret until that dreadful day. She frowns in the dream, her eyes watching the flames dance, because she knows who’s in the next room; the pain in her chest too strong as is her excitement. 

She both loves and hates those dreams.

Loves them because she can be with Daniel for one more time and hates them because she knows he’s dead and he knows he’s dead too.

It doesn’t stop her from running into his hug when she sees him, her stable boy, with his white shirt almost grey from washing and wearing it (he only had two of them, she remembers) dirty gloves, blue cape one size too small for him, and big smile. She can’t remember how he smelled anymore or the sound of his voice but a distant memory, but she remembers how soft his skin was despite working to help his family from a small age.

When they break apart, still holding hands, but Regina takes a small step back to see whole of him, he smiles again and it’s such a bittersweet feeling she wants to wake up and never again. 

“Are you okay?” She asks, her voice lost in the dream, but he nods, brings her hand to his lips and kisses it softly. 

“I’m well. I’m happy.” 

Nothing more, but everything.

A smile.

Another hug.

Relief.

Then nothing.

 

“Mom, Kathryn is here.” 

She hears Henry’s voice, but she’s deep in sleep to understand what he’s saying. Emma’s body is soft and warm and real, and she’s so comfortable she doesn’t want to move. Emma mumbles something and Regina shushes her with a small kiss at the base of her neck, skin salty and warm from sleep, before remembering Emma’s pregnancy.

Once she does though, she opens her eyes and unwraps herself from the blonde before sitting at the edge of the bed. 

“What?” She asks Henry, her voice deep from sleep, and she notices that he’s still in his jammies. “What time is it?”

“Um, ten thirty,” Henry whispers at first and then leaves a loud yawn, stretching his arms in front of him. “Kathryn is here. You missed your meeting. Grams here too,” he continues not realizing how important that meeting was for her and for Storybrooke. “She brought breakfast.”

“Crap,” it escapes her and before Henry has a chance to laugh she stops him with one look. “Go eat breakfast and tell Kathryn and Snow that I’m coming right up.” 

Henry leaves without making a sound since Emma is still sleeping and of course she would be sleeping when Regina’s life is crumbling in pieces around her! At the same time she can’t really blame the blonde for today; she’s the one with the strange sleeping habits. Her body never needed much sleep to function and, later, revenge and desperation didn’t let her. In this world, this world was different and Regina had too much to see and learn to sleep.

She doesn’t know if it is because of her dream, she suspects it is, but she also suspects that the sleeping blonde has also something to do (Emma always had a way to calm her down and bring her back from whatever dark corner of mind she hide) with the fact that for the first time in weeks she feels relaxed. 

Time to do damage control.

 

“I can’t believe you lied for me.”

Twenty minutes later, Regina leaves the house with Kathryn following her. Henry had just finished breakfast when Emma appeared in the kitchen with eyes so sad that even Henry could tell something was off, but having found them in bed, glued together, he once again thought there was something wrong with Emma’s pregnancy.

Swallowing the last of his pancakes, he ran upstairs to search online for babies and magic as if he could google such thing. Regina had let him despite being a school day and Emma had smiled softly behind her tea cup, and for a moment everything was back to normal. Until Emma looked at her, Regina is not sure what Emma saw written on her face, and her smile vanished from her lips. 

If it wasn’t for Kathryn’s fast thinking to inform her about rescheduling the meeting and Snow’s motherly instincts to insist Emma should have something more than tea, Regina is sure that they would still staring each other in the kitchen, not knowing what to say or do to pull themselves out of this situation because, clearly, they need all the help they can get.

“I didn’t lie only for you,” Kathryn corrects. “I know how important that meeting is as I also know that even with the whole town against you, you still go to work. So I knew that something was wrong. But I have to admit, I was expecting more gore. Things are rather boring these days.”

Regina chuckles; Kathryn is a good friend. She’s one of the few Regina can count as friends and not as family members. She’s good, loyal and is not afraid to speak her mind. The fact that Kathryn chose to be friends with Regina after everything the Queen put her through speak volumes for her character and Regina is forever grateful to have this second chance at friendship.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” she searches for her car keys while Kathryn waits, patiently, at the passenger side. “I’ll try my best next time.”

“How about not?” Is all that Kathryn says and another time Regina could take it as a challenge, but today she raises an eyebrow and clicks the doors open.

“The meeting,” she says once they are on the road. “That takes us back. I wanted to be over with it by now.”

“Only a month,” Kathryn offers, but they both know that the reschedule will take them back at least six months; Regina will have to go down to the dock and have a talk with the men there. With the economy in bad shape Maine’s fishing industry took a hit and Storybrooke was starting to feel that effects of that hit.

Regina’s proposition to be part of the CSF program, a first step to help the fishermen, was received with mixed feelings by the town. Storybrooke citizens were still afraid of the outside world, but at the same time they knew they could only benefit from such act. Still a verdict wasn’t made despite Regina having the support of Snow and Kathryn. 

Perhaps missing the meeting today was for the best after all; more time for her and Kathryn to come up with a plan even the most skeptical couldn’t do much but accept.

“What did you tell them anyway?” 

“The guys from the program?” 

Regina nods and drives them straight to the docks were a small group of people are gathered. 

“I told them that your child had an accident and was at the hospital.”

Impressed, and a little bit offended with the thought of using Henry as an excuse Regina parks the car and says, “When you lie, you _lie_.” 

Kathryn winks at her in as if she’s saying ‘don’t we all?’ and steps outside the car.

 

Two very long hours later, they are sipping tea at Ashley’s Place, a small, and kind of hipster tea shop on the first floor of the last building before you reach the docks. Ashley and Sean run the place with little Alexandra running between the tables and bringing a smile to the faces of the few costumers.

For Ashley the curse was also a gift; Sean was missing in their land, a work of Rumpelstiltskin, and no matter how much they had searched they couldn’t find him. Here, she was alone for twenty eight years – not that she knew or realized it, but at least she has her love back. 

And her little girl.

And this tea shop. Finally after complaining to Sean about wanting to do something or she would go mad, he agreed to open the shop with her. Now, almost nine months since opening day, the shop was doing well and Ashley even had a little blog to promote her drinks. 

“Javavana Mate tea for you,” she leaves the cup in front of Kathryn with a smile, “And Dosha chai rooibos tea for you, Madam Mayor. And this,” she leaves down a small plate with four slices of cake, “Is on the house.”

Regina waits until the girl is out of hearing, then shakes her head. “You do one bad thing that benefits someone and even if it’s not your intention you suddenly have free cake with your chai.”

“Weird isn’t it?” Kathryn agrees and cuts a small piece of the cake. “That people are more willing to help you when you have nothing to gain from them?”

She’s not talking about Ashley, Regina knows that, but still talking to Kathryn about her problems at home seems the hardest thing to do. Of all her failures, this one hurt the most. And it’s not as if she doesn’t know that she has nothing to do with Emma’s actions, she knows that, Emma made sure she knows that, it doesn’t stop her for feeling as if she’s the one who failed.

“Are you talking to someone at least?” There’s worry in Kathryn’s voice and Regina finds herself wonder if that’s what friendship is; worrying about the other as if it happening to you. 

“I go by Dr. Hopper’s office a few times a week,” she says casually, as if it’s not a big deal admitting to someone that she’s weak and needs the support of a cricket.

“Good.” Kathryn nods. “Good.”

It takes time, but it finally hits her.“You know!”

“That Emma’s baby,” Kathryn lowers her voice down to the point where Regina has to lean forward to hear her. “ It’s not a magic baby? I suspected as much. Come on, Regina, even in our land, with all the magic and fairies, it still takes a man and a woman to make a baby.”

“You never said a thing.”

“You never came to me.”

Is that…Is that hurt in Kathryn’s voice? 

“Oh Gods, you really are clueless, aren’t you?” 

Regina plays with her ring. “You know you are one of the very few friends I have.”

“Yet you didn’t come to talk to me.”

“And say what? The woman I love is pregnant with someone else’s child?” 

“Yes!”

“What would that change?”

“I could have been there for you!” Kathryn shakes her head as if Regina is a lost case and sometimes she feels like one. More so now that Emma is with child.

“Kathryn-“

“No, you are going to listen to me now, your Majesty because I’m not Snow White.” There’s fire in Kathryn’s eyes, a fire that warns her to do as the other woman says no matter how much she wants to be on top of this conversation. “I know how you feel, Regina. You think you’re the only one who had to wake up next to a person you didn’t love? You think you are the only one who your parents traded as if you were nothing more than a piece of furniture more suitable to someone else’s house?”

“Because of me,” Regina says ashamed; she can’t escape the past no matter how much she tries.

“Long before you,” Kathryn continues. “We were women, Regina, and you know what it meant in our land. Just because we were royalty that didn’t mean that we had it better. So don’t you dare think that I don’t know how you feel.”

How many times had she wished to have someone to talk to and all this time she thought that no one could understand her. How selfish she had been in her grief that couldn’t see what was in front of her? “I’m sorry.”

“I know you are.”

“No, Kathryn. I- I am sorry.”

“I know you are.” Kathryn repeats. “And I forgive you. Doesn’t mean I have forgotten what you have done to me and to others.” She adds with no accusation to her voice whatsoever.

_I don’t know how to love very well._

“Talk to me, Regina. I’m asking you as your friend.”

_I’m well. I’m happy._

“I dreamed of Daniel today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This (and many other stories) was sitting on my computer for months and it wouldn't see the light of day if it wasn't for some (very) good on line friends. S3 of OUAT represents everything I disagree with as a woman (as a straight woman) and the few good moments (Regal Believer TLK, Witch Hunt, Snow Queen moments) sadly are not enough for me to keep watching. 
> 
> It took a lot of talking to realize that I didn't had to give up Swan Queen as well.


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her mother was right, love is her weakness, Regina knows that, she knows what she can do and what she has done in the name of love. And if she’s sitting here, having tea and a conversation with Kathryn in a civil tone, it is because she has made a promise to Henry: she’s going to be the mother he deserves. While she would love nothing more than to tell him the truth and let Emma deal with the consequences, let Emma be the one to fail him, the Savior who can do nothing wrong in his eyes now pregnant with a stranger’s baby, let her fall from grace like Regina did, let Emma fall and burn and be the disappointment to him for once…

“Who’s Daniel?” Kathryn asks, and nips more of the cake.

“You know who Daniel _was_ ,” Regina says, irritated. She doesn’t like to talk about him, but lately she's afraid that once she dies there will be no one to remember him. Snow only met him for a few minutes, and she has her own problems to deal with instead of remembering a stable boy who wasn’t even her servant. Regina is the last one to remember how kind he was and how much he loved her.

Sometimes she thinks that if she, somehow, forgets him, she’ll also forget how it felt to be good and have a pure, bright red, beating heart in her chest. 

“I know who Daniel was, yes,” Kathryn admits. “But I didn’t hear it from you so, Regina, tell me. Who was Daniel?”

Her heart is healing, she knows that. She’ll never be the girl with the easy smile again and she loves Emma for loving her despite knowing who she was and what she did. _You are not that woman_ , Emma had whispered time and time again in her ear, and Regina never really understood how Emma could see beyond the Evil Queen when so many couldn’t. 

She doesn’t blame Snow, honestly, she doesn’t. Rumpelstiltskin was right so many decades ago; the darkness had tasted her and liked her, but she had also tasted the darkness and also found it to her liking. And once she accepted that people would never love her—her parents didn’t so why should anyone else?—then she simply stopped caring. 

But now, now when she knows love and has it in her life, now she’s afraid that if she lets her emotions get the best of her she’ll follow the same path of her youth. Only this time, she has something to lose. No, this time she has everything to lose. Henry, first and foremost, then Emma, and her still fragile relationship with Snow. 

Kathryn. She could also lose Kathryn, and, while she’s not sure how he can still look at her and smile after everything he’s heard from her, she could lose Archie, whom she likes to think of more as a friend than her therapist. 

Maybe that’s why she dreamed of Daniel last night. Daniel represents a time when she was innocent and happy. Sure, her life wasn’t perfect, not when her mother had plans for her, but she was happy! She was happy and innocent thinking that her mother would let her be what she wanted to be and love whoever she wanted to love. She shakes her head. Well, innocent _and_ naïve. 

After all, didn’t she ask for help from the same man who'd destroyed her mother, even after learning about it from her father? 

“Regina? Are you still with me?” Kathryn asks with a hint of worry in her voice.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I was…” She licks her lips. Lost in her thoughts, she's forgotten what Kathryn asked her.

“Daniel?” Kathryn is determined to have her talk about Daniel. Regina can see it in her eyes, and not for the first time she’s glad Kathryn gave her a chance. “You were going to tell me who Daniel was.”

“He was one of our stable boys,” she answers, and finds it easier to talk about what Daniel did for a living than about what he did in his short life. 

Because she knows the truth now.

“A stable boy? And here I was thinking I was the only one.” Bless her, Kathryn seems to realize how difficult it is for her to talk about him and is trying to lighten the conversation.

“Hardly.” Regina manages a smile. “But at least Frederick was a knight, not a mere stable boy.”

“Would it have mattered? If he was a knight and not a servant?” 

Regina shakes her head. Cora wasn’t Midas. She loved power more than she loved her daughter. Regardless of how much Regina wants to believe otherwise, it's doubtful that Cora would have ever let her run away with him or been happy for them even if she'd had her heart. Even when she had her heart, her mother still chose power over love, and that choice didn’t change until her death.

“But he wasn’t a mere stable boy, was he?”

“For me he wasn’t.”

Perhaps it’s the tone of her voice, maybe it’s the way her eyes get wet at the corners or the way she avoids Kathryn’s eyes, looking out the small window at the calm waters of the marina. A warm hand comes to cover her own, unbidden.

“You don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want to,” Kathryn says, and there’s a stab of pain in Regina’s chest because she never had this, not when she needed it the most.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that…he was a secret I had so I never really learned how to talk about him without feeling that I’m doing something wrong. Without feeling that I’m betraying him, which is crazy,” she wipes the corner of her eyes with her free hand, “since he’s been dead four decades now.”

They stay quiet. Kathryn’s warm hand never leaves hers, giving her strength she never thought she needed, and for the millionth time after the curse broke Regina wonders how much different her life would have been if she had had someone to stand up for her against her mother. But she knows the answer. She’d slept above her mother’s vault, listening to all those hearts until their sound became nothing more than a lullaby to help her sleep.

And then she became exactly like her mother.

If Archie were here he would tell her that the real reason she doesn’t want to talk about Daniel is not because she’s afraid she’ll betray him, but because of what Daniel represents. Of course she would storm out of the room, lashing out at the Bug with harsh words and empty threats. Later, only later, when she was be alone in her office with a glass of Sazerac rye whiskey, only then would she admit to herself that the Bug had been right.

Daniel is dead and she’s not in love with him.

Daniel is the life she wanted but never had the chance to live, and yes, she now has a nice life with a son and friends and…Emma, but she is only human and can’t help but think of the life she could have had. And it’s only human to dream about him now that her life is, once again, changing in the worst possible way. 

“I don’t remember his voice,” she says suddenly, more to herself than to Kathryn, but Kathryn nods and doesn’t push her to talk. “I remember what he wore and what he felt like, and how weak his smile made me, but I cannot for the life of me recall his voice.”

“Sometimes I’m watching a movie with Frederick and I swear I can hear my mother’s voice.”

Regina knows that too well. “But it never lasts long, and when you pay close attention it doesn’t sound like her at all, does it?” 

She shouldn’t speak of loss. She who had sent her own mother to another land through a mirror and killed her own father to get her happy ending. She who killed so many. What right does she have to talk about pain and loss when she gave plenty of both to her Kingdom? 

Maybe she deserves to always search for happiness after she took it from so many. 

“Do you believe that the dead can speak to us in our dreams?” 

She doesn’t mean for Kathryn to take this as a joke, but the second it’s out she can’t help but smile and join Kathryn in a much needed laugh. “Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want.”

She’s practically a God among humans. She can create muffins to entertain her son out of thin air—no, molecules, she corrects herself—she can appear and disappear with the ease others breathe. Hell, she even managed to piss off a forgotten Goddess! So why the hell does she still wonder if the dead can visit them in their sleep? 

“My father is King Midas and you were the Evil Queen,” Kathryn says when she catches her breath. “What do you think?”

“This realm is different than ours. What was normal to ours is not necessarily so here.”

“And you think that the dead are silent here?”

“I think that this world with their cars and computers and fast internet makes it almost impossible for someone to listen to their voices.” 

Kathryn looks at her with eyes that sign “I thought you were going to tell me about Daniel.”

“I am.” Regina takes a sip from her now lukewarm tea before setting the cup down gently, and Kathryn waits and waits, and Regina is again thankful for her friendship. “He said that he’s fine. That he’s happy.”

“Regina-“

She doesn’t let Kathryn continue. “Last night was… _interesting_. Emma and I, we…We don’t talk much. Not when it comes to our feelings. We hold things inside. Foolishly believe that no one cares enough.”

“People care about you, Regina, okay? _I_ care about you.” 

“And you shouldn’t.” Again she looks away, unable to bear looking at Kathryn. 

Kathryn who offered her friendship at a time when all Regina wanted to do was use her. Unlike most of the town, Kathryn doesn’t hold her responsible for the curse because she knows that women (even a Princess like her) didn’t have a say in their world. Just because Snow married her true love doesn’t mean that everyone else did.

Kathryn knows how it feels to be nothing but a bargaining chip between two kingdoms. 

And the curse? Unfortunately, it was nothing new for Kathryn. 

To quote Emma’s favorite author, same shit, different day.

“Are we going to have the same conversation as before? If we are, please tell me so because I’m sure I have something to do.” Kathryn hides a smirk behind her tea cup. “Somewhere else.”

Regina appreciates the way Kathryn changes the subject. It’s not elegant, but she’s made her point: Regina needs to let it go. Kathryn’s fine, they’re having tea together, and Regina must accept that Kathryn’s not going anywhere. She’s not going to sugarcoat her words for Regina, but if she needs Kathryn, she will be here for Regina 

“He calmed me down.” If Kathryn wants her to talk, she will. “Usually when I see him in my dreams I wake up and can’t go back to sleep no matter how much I try. But last night? It was the best sleep I’ve had in months.”

She hopes it lasts. This…calmness inside of her, she hopes it lasts. 

“Since Emma told you she’s pregnant, you mean.”

No, Kathryn’s not going to sugarcoat it for her. 

Much like Archie.

“Exactly.”

“I always thought that the dead watch us. Perhaps he knew you needed to know he’s okay.”

“Maybe.” 

Regina takes another sip from her tea. When she was a young Queen, scared and wide-eyed, she used to eat as fast as she could so she could disappear to her bedchambers. It wasn’t until the third month into her marriage that she found out that once the King and Queen had finished their meal, everyone else had to stop eating as well. 

Ever since she’s taken her time, driving Emma nuts when they go out on a date, but Emma is from a world where fast food is the normal instead of homemade meals. Even Henry can’t say no to a burger or a pizza, although Regina is very confident that if he had to choose between McDonalds and her cooking he would choose her.

“Emma makes me feel the way Daniel did.”

“Oh?”

“She was not afraid to challenge me, to push me. But Daniel died because of that and Emma, well, she’s—“

“Pregnant.” Kathryn finishes. 

“And I’m left behind to pay the consequences.”

Kathryn nips at the leftovers, but doesn’t eat them. She asks, suddenly, “Do you love her?”

She doesn’t answer right away. She thinks of last night and the way her body responded to the blonde’s touch, but Regina is not in her youth, she knows lust and she knows love, and she knows that no matter how much Emma hurt her, she still loves her.

She closes her eyes and thinks, _love is weakness_.

Her mother was right, love is _her_ weakness, Regina knows that, she knows what she can do and what she has done in the name of love. And if she’s sitting here, having tea and a conversation with Kathryn in a civil tone, it is because she has made a promise to Henry: she’s going to be the mother he deserves. While she would love nothing more than to tell him the truth and let Emma deal with the consequences, let Emma be the one to fail him, the Savior who can do nothing wrong in his eyes now pregnant with a stranger’s baby, let her fall from grace like Regina did, let Emma fall and burn and be the disappointment to him for once…

But she can’t. 

Because she has made a promise to Henry, and because she knows where this path leads, to misery and heartache and a world without her son. Evil or good, it doesn’t really matter when you always lose in the end. And Regina knows all about loss, doesn’t she? She always had to fight for love while the precious little Savior had everything on a silver plate since she came to Storybrooke.

She should tell Henry the truth.

Tell him that his mother is not so pure and white as he thinks she is. She should take him and go away, to New York or Los Angeles or wherever Henry wants. Make Emma see him twice a year for holidays and a few weeks every summer. 

Tell him that Emma replaced him with the new baby like her foster parents did with her. Slowly turn Henry against her until he wants nothing to do with Storybrooke or the Charmings. Until he looks at Emma with the same hate with which he once looked at Regina. 

And then she will have hurt Emma as much as Emma hurt her.

But she won’t.

Because she loves Emma. 

A part of her even loves the life that’s growing inside the blonde’s body. Because Emma gave her Henry, and Regina will always love her for that gift. It would have been so easy if she hated the blonde. If only she could hate her, her life wouldn’t be so complicated. Her feelings for the other women wouldn’t be so complicated. Because she loves Emma and she hates Emma and wants to hurt her and wants…

She wants her life back.

She breathes out a barely audible, “I do.”

“Then why don’t you —“

“Fight for what we have?” She chuckles. “I don’t even know what we have anymore.”

“I think you do.”

“Well, you are wrong,” Regina answers and there’s a hint of the Evil Queen in her voice; _hurt them, push them away before they get the chance to hurt you_.

“Listen to me, Regina.” Kathryn’s whole body stiffens. “You should know better than any of us that you have to fight for love. And even when you have wasted your last breath, even then, there’s no guarantee that you’ll find love or that you are going to end up with the person you love.”

Regina smiles and looks down, but says nothing. Indeed she knows.

“Love means forgiveness.”

That she cannot let pass.

“It also means trust!” 

But she never trusted her mother, did she? She never trusted her father either and Gods, she has no right to talk and demand trust when she broke the trust of everyone she ever met. She sighs. “Do I have a right to talk about trust, Kathryn?”

“Regina,” Kathryn shakes her head in what seems like disbelief to Regina. “What Emma did and what you did are two completely different things, you must know that, right?” 

Regina just stares at her, and Kathryn raises an eyebrow. “You do know that, don’t you?” 

More staring.

“Regina!”

“What?”

“Tell me you are not staying with Emma because of what you did in the past.”

“I’m not,” she answers too fast.

That’s an answer she’s been practicing for months. 

“You are lying,” Kathryn observes, and Regina bites the inside of her cheek because she’s been caught in her lie. “What am I going to do with you, Regina?” There’s disappointment and concern in Kathryn’s voice and just a tiny hint of frustration that makes Regina feel instantly better. Kathryn’s not mad at her.

“I love her, Kathryn.” Tired, she throws her head back and stares at the ceiling and thinks of this morning. 

With Daniel, she never had the chance to wake up with him sleeping next to her, and her marriage to Leopold wasn’t one made out of love. It was a marriage meant to further her mother’s plans for her and fulfill Snow’s need for a mother. Graham, well, he was what she knew, he wasn’t a threat and despite everything, she was certain that he felt something for her. Not love, never love, not for her, but… _something_.

Maybe she was what he knew too. 

But with Emma? With Emma she felt as if she was free again. Free of her past, of her actions, of herself. Emma made her laugh and cry, made her question herself and everything and not give a fuck at the same time. Emma gave Henry to her. She gave her life meaning when she thought she had nothing left. 

Emma is the worst thing in her life and she’s the best thing in her life.

“But it’s not enough, is it?”

Regina shakes her head. It’s sad for her to admit, but no, it is not. 

Even when she wanted Emma gone from her life, she always knew she could trust her. First with Henry, down in the mines, when Emma was nothing more than a stranger with an attitude; and then later, with her heart, when Emma was everything she wished for and then some.

Emma, who saw her at her worst and stayed. Emma, who saw her at her best and gave her a wide smile.

And if she can’t trust Emma anymore then who she can trust? 

Regina remembers a girl with Emma’s eyes who also wanted to be a family and instead it became her downfall. She remembers broken promises and pain. Magic lessons and anger. So much anger. And darkness. And more pain. So much pain that she was willing to kill her own father to make it stop.

And now that the pain had finally stopped, now that she finally had what she craved for so many years, now that she could wake up in the morning and breathe freely…now the pain is back. And with the pain also comes the anger. 

Only this time she doesn’t have a curse to cast to escape from her life.

She frowns, her eyes dark with memories of a different life, one she so desperately wants to leave behind, but her curse is to always remember. 

Always remember that a girl with green eyes betrayed her. 

“Do you—do you want to come stay with Jim and me for a few days?” Kathryn, sensing the battle that’s going on inside of Regina, suggests, and this time the ache in her chest is sweet. “Until you make a decision.”

Kathryn is a good friend. She won’t hold back, but she will offer Regina comfort when she needs . Snow and David are worrying about their daughter, but Kathryn’s worry is Regina, and right now Regina takes pleasure in the comfort Kathryn’s words provide. 

“Henry doesn’t know.” And she’s not Snow, she’s not going to destroy his life now that he’s finally happy. It took him a while to accept that his mom and his other mom were dating (in a Savior and the Evil Queen way although Regina suspects that being the child of a gay couple won’t win him any favors at school). “Thank you, but…”

“You have to go home.”

Home.

Henry and then, later, Henry and Emma. Her home. Funny, before Emma, before Henry, Storybrooke was her home. To a lot of people this town is still a curse, but to her? This town is the first place she felt like home. Not because it was her town, no, she got bored embarrassingly quick of the power she had here to the point where she wished for Mary Margaret to start remembering things.

Even so, she loves this town. People, she could do without them (not all of them), but she loves the small town feeling of Storybrooke. What she used to love (used to because the Imp had a different opinion) was the fact that this world had no magic. To be precise, this world has magic, but much like Emma’s, it is young and weak while the old magic of her world was demanding and addictive. 

“Home?” She laughs bitterly. “Don’t you know, Kathryn, that home was never safe for me?”


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What is wrong with me?” Emma closes her eyes and leaves a cold laugh and they might have problems in their relationship, but that doesn’t mean she wants to see Emma hurt. She thinks of hurting the blonde with all kind of ways, but it’s just the thoughts of a broken heart and far from what she wishes to see.

It’s almost lunch time when they leave the tea shop. Kathryn agrees to take care of the office while Regina takes a few days off. Dr. Hopper had also recommended taking a small vacation with Emma just to see where they stand. But what Kathryn suggested was the complete opposite of it. She and Jim had bought a small beach house from Gold a few miles away from Storybrooke.

 

It wasn’t big and, from what Kathryn had described, the floor was old and could hear every step, the furniture had seen better days, but all you had to do to transform the place was to start a fire and Kathryn insisted that it was the best place for Regina to go and clear her head from everything.

 

 “I’ll think about it,” Regina says and finds that a weekend away from Emma doesn’t sound like a bad idea. “Are you sure it’s not a bother? I’d hate to keep you and Jim from your love nest.”

 

“Friday is the game with the Crows.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Regina offers a small smile and Kathryn makes a grimace before looking away.

 

The Crows are Ellsworth’s basketball team and Storybrooke’s Sardines arch nemesis. Henry didn’t like basketball as much as he loved baseball, but they always went to Sardine’s games to support the team. The Sardines had lost the last five games with the sixth being a close one.

 

“No love nest for me for a week or two.” Kathryn half whines half jokes.

 

“I’m sorry,” Regina doesn’t know what else to say and they part ways with a promise that she’ll drive Kathryn to Ellsworth and back for moral support before heading to the beach house for the weekend.

 

Regina is putting her seat belt on when Kathryn knocks softly the window. “You better buy some food.” Another grimace. “The Sardines lost a lot of games this season.”

 

Despite herself Regina laughs.

 

 

 

 

She doesn’t go back to her office. Kathryn will inform her secretary about the small leave she’s taking. Other than the meeting today, they had no other issues that needed her attention and even if they had, Regina trusted Kathryn to be an even better Mayor than she is. In fact, she had asked from the blonde to run for Mayor, but Kathryn refused politely. She was more than happy to be Regina’s second in command, but she loved the simple life she had here with Jim.

 

Regina didn’t push again and Kathryn doesn’t seem to regret her decision.

 

Instead she drives around Storybrooke, checking everything that needs to be done before next winter. The nights are getting warmer. Not enough to be able to enjoy a drink to the back patio, but seasons change fast even in Maine. That reminds her; Emma is going to have a summer baby.

 

She doesn’t know why people care so much about such silly thing. Ruby was ecstatic with the news, Henry too, and even Granny made a comment about all needing a little sunshine in their lives, looking Regina straight in the eyes. The pup might forgive her, but the old wolf hasn’t. Emma swears that’s Granny’s way, but Regina slept with a hunter for far too many years to be fooled.

 

She knows that for a lot of people she’ll never be anything more than the Evil Queen and she’s fine with it. Kingdoms are ruled with fear not with kisses and hugs and they might not like her, but no one can claim she doesn’t do her best to keep this town up and running. She did it for twenty eight years and she is not going to stop just because some peasants don’t like her.

 

She’s about to turn into Granny’s when her phone vibrates. Emma or Henry. Probably Emma. She parks the car, thinking of ignoring whoever send her the message and have a early, light lunch at Granny’s, when she spots Snow and Charming inside. The last thing she wants to do is have to endure an hour with them. Snow is giving her the puppy eyes while David looks at her as if he wants to hug and yell at her at the same time.

 

**IM MAKING LUNCH**

 

Regina smiles picturing Emma in the kitchen, bowls and plates around her. She’s not a good cook, she’s not, but she’s trying.

 

**IM BAKING BREAD**

 

Well, that’s impressive. She’s ready to call home and tell Emma that she has a little something to pick for Henry when her phone vibrates for a third time.

 

**I BURNED THE BREAD**

“Of course you did,” she murmurs, thankful that no one is close enough to see her talking to herself.

 

**I’M ON MY WAY.**

 

She sends and steps out of the car.

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m pretty sure that Henry doesn’t need his mom to buy comics for him anymore.” The man, tall, with a round face and a receding hairline, smiles at her behind the counter.

 

“As a parent, I need to make sure that what he reads is suitable for his age.”

 

They say they same lines three years now and Regina finds comfort in their weekly routine. He’s teasing her about the comics, she’s somewhat harsh when she answers back, but both are smiling as if they were old friends. The man, Alan, was her husband’s best blacksmith and he and his wife had lost a child from fever a long before she was Queen.

 

Back in their land, despite his loss, he always was seen with a smile in his face. She not once heard him complain and always finished any job she had for him on time. He was one of the few that didn’t judge her. Regina had heard stories about a different man, one that liked to drink and spend many nights at the town’s brothel, stories that she brushed away as rumors because her blacksmith was nothing like that man.

 

Perhaps she wasn’t the only one changed after a tragedy. Back then she was too self-obsessed to realize that, but when she cast the curse she made sure some people were in a better position than others. And while for some being a school teacher didn’t seem like a punishment for Snow it was.  Alan was never separated from his wife, had an easy job, and, like Ruby, he didn’t seem to think of Storybrooke as a curse rather like a second chance.

 

“Of course,” he says back and his brown eyes are warm when he gives her this week’s comic books.

 

The pile is getting heavier every time and Regina will have to talk to Henry about maybe dropping some titles, but she knows she will not. That’s one of the few things she shares with her son and while she knows he’s taking advantage of her, she can’t bring herself to stop.

 

At least his obsession with comic books and girls keeps him out of trouble. With the curse broke, teens were starting to act like normal teens. Emma had caught a few kids from Henry’s class smoking pot and while Storybrooke wouldn’t turn to be the next drug Mecca anytime soon, the worry was real.

 

“How much do I owe you this time?”

 

He smiles and gives her the receipt.

 

“Next time Henry comes and orders new books,” she says as she fishes two twenty dollar bills from her bag, “Give me a call.”

 

“That I will,” he nods.

 

He won’t, Henry is good at making people do what he wants, and Regina takes pride that this behavior of his is more her than Emma’s.

 

 

 

 

“I thought you were joking, but you really burned the bread,” Regina steps into the house and heads straight to the kitchen, waving a hand in front of her face in an attempt to get rid of the smell of burned that’s in the air. “Emma, how did you managed to burn the bread? We have a machine for that-Oh!”

 

She has her answer.

 

Emma, knowing that Regina loves flatbread, tried to make them for her and, Regina can’t see, but she’s sure of it, burned every single one of them. It should be comical, a story kept for boring winter nights, certain to make people (Henry) laugh until they have tears in their eyes, but it is not.

 

Emma is sitting quietly, facing away from the door and Regina, and even though she seems calm and put together, Regina knows the blonde well enough to know when she’s having a bad day and needs comfort and when she’s needs some tough love.  

 

“Do you know how hard it is to burn twelve of these little fuckers?” Emma suddenly says and looks at her. “I’ve burned them, Regina, every single one. One after another and didn’t stop until they were all dark and crispy.”

 

Regina, sensing that this is more than a few burned flatbreads, simple says, “Okay.”

 

“What is wrong with me?” Emma closes her eyes and leaves a cold laugh and they might have problems in their relationship, but that doesn’t mean she wants to see Emma hurt. She thinks of hurting the blonde with all kind of ways, but it’s just the thoughts of a broken heart and far from what she wishes to see.

 

“You’re a terrible cook.”

 

Emma laughs then. She looks at Regina before throwing her head back and laughing.

 

“I’m a terrible person.” She says once she’s stops laughing.

 

“The worst kind,” Regina agrees.

 

“The kind that hurts the people she loves.”

 

Regina doesn’t correct her.

 

 

 

 

She prefers the winter, she always had.

 

Maybe that’s why the curse brought them all to Maine and not somewhere else, somewhere warmer like Florida or California. Maine, in a lot of ways, reminds her of their land. The towns don’t smell like piss, sweat and desperation like they did in her world, but the forest keep towns isolated from one another, making the state feel much larger than it really is.

 

But nothing stays hidden forever and as the weather will get warmer their little sleepy town will start to change, slowly wake from its slumber until it’s fall again and another year will have passed. Few more years and Henry will have to leave for collage leaving his moms behind. It didn’t seem such a tough thing to accept; kids grow, leave their nests and start their own, and Regina had accepted that it was the natural way of life.

 

Emma and she often joked that they were going to turn Henry’s room into a library or a home gym, both knowing that they couldn’t stand to change a single thing in his room. But now, everything has changed and the future doesn’t seem so bright anymore. No, the future seemed to be gloomy at best.

 

But she was used to long winters.

 

“Get up,” she orders Emma and the blonde looks at her puzzled. “We are going to make flatbreads and I’m going to show you how to cook them so you’re not going to burn them next time.”

 

 

 

 

“You are good at this.”

 

“Told you, cooking is like magic.”

 

Regina, feeling comfortable that Emma will see the bubbles on the bread and take it out of the pan, is sitting on the table, watching Emma in case she needs help and stealing bites of chicken from the salad. Emma needs to spend hours in the kitchen if she wants to call herself a cook, but even Regina can’t ignore that the blonde is rather good at making salads. She wasn’t before and thought that Granny’s Caesar’s was heaven on earth, but she has downloaded over one hundred recipes for salads.

 

And as much as Regina wants to believe that you can’t burn a salad, Emma has, in fact, burned a chicken fillet or two in the months she’s been cooking, but not this one. This one is cooked in perfection; crispy on the outside and juicy inside. The croutons, Regina knows, come from a box Emma keeps stored behind the sugar and rice and whatnot. She thinks Regina doesn’t know, but Henry found out her secret stash and sworn his mother to secrecy.

 

“I think I get it now,” Emma nods and turns, fast, two breads that are starting to get dark on the edges. “You follow instructions, but it doesn’t mean you have to follow it by the letter.”

 

Regina picks a Kalamata olive; Henry’s favorites. He likes the acidic aftertaste they leave in the mouth and Regina always keeps a jar for him. Emma chose well. The chicken with that dressing and this olive make an amazing combination. If she wanted to add something it would be another pinch of salt and maybe a tiny pinch of white pepper to add flavor.

 

“With common spells, yes, but the more complex a spell is the more you need to follow the instructions. You can always add salt after the food is done, but forget to add an ingredient or add too much of one, and you have a whole different spell.”

 

“Yeah, well, it’s not as if we don’t know how to get rid of a body,” Emma turns the stove off and serves the rest of the breads in a plate before  brushing each bread with some olive oil, a pinch of sea salt and some oregano.

 

“Or break a curse,” Regina offers.

 

“That too,” Emma smiles at her, a soft, shy smile that doesn’t live long. Regina can only imagine what’s going inside the sheriff head, but she doesn’t feel sorry for her. Emma did this herself and while she appreciates the effort, it will take more than a fancy chicken salad to fix things between them.

 

And if Regina wants to be honest, sometimes she thinks that nothing will fix her relationship with Emma.

 


End file.
